"Sometimes you've got to learn to love what's good for you."

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"In the end, it doesn't matter how many breaths you took but how many moments took your breath away."

empire state of mind.

empire state of mind.

i'll remember these times

i'll remember these times

embrace it all

embrace it all

my little furry buddha

my little furry buddha
Proverbs 31:30
Jeremiah 29:11
Romans 9:25


thugz ferr lyfeee

thugz ferr lyfeee

fearfully and wonderfully made

fearfully and wonderfully made

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free falling

free falling

such a tourist

such a tourist

live well, laugh often.

live well, laugh often.

oh heyyy spanish.

oh heyyy spanish.

ain't no sunshine when you're gone.

ain't no sunshine when you're gone.

shorrrty.

shorrrty.

oh, how i love us.

oh, how i love us.

i love lindsey!

i love lindsey!

dreamland.

dreamland.

rocket launcher, best friend

rocket launcher, best friend

somewhere beyond the sea

somewhere beyond the sea

there's no "i" in team...but there's an "i" in WIN!

there's no "i" in team...but there's an "i" in WIN!

the price of beauty.

the price of beauty.

you're my cuppycake.

you're my cuppycake.

this is what good times look like.

this is what good times look like.

catybug

catybug

out where the sun shines.

out where the sun shines.

sweet like key lime pie.

sweet like key lime pie.

bus rides are the bombb.

bus rides are the bombb.

all that i'm after is a life full of laughter.

all that i'm after is a life full of laughter.

i absolutley adore you

i absolutley adore you

y e s .

y e s .

our sunday best.

our sunday best.

let's be friends when we're all old.

let's be friends when we're all old.

forever & always

forever & always

the two musketeers.

the two musketeers.

lovely ladies

lovely ladies

whata doll.

whata doll.

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things go swimmingly

unbreakable.

unbreakable.

It's A Wonderful Life

It's A Wonderful Life

let's hear it for the girls

let's hear it for the girls

"We, we don't, we don't sweat we glisten 'cause we're women, say it, say it, say it."

"We, we don't, we don't sweat we glisten 'cause we're women, say it, say it, say it."

around the campfire.

around the campfire.

like cats and dogs.

like cats and dogs.

Hun er min skinnende stjerne .

Hun er min skinnende stjerne .

seester frannnd.

seester frannnd.

check us out.

check us out.

Pine Cove is where it's at.

Pine Cove is where it's at.

i [heart] awkward pictures.

i [heart] awkward pictures.

your love is strong.

your love is strong.

i'm alive again.

i'm alive again.
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oh glorious day.

oh glorious day.

some memories are just perfect.

some memories are just perfect.

this is how we do it.

this is how we do it.

lover boy.

lover boy.

sit back and wade through the daylight.

sit back and wade through the daylight.

Wrap You Up & Take You Home.

Wrap You Up & Take You Home.

To See You Smile...

To See You Smile...

we're totes adorb.

we're totes adorb.

you bring out the weirdest in me.

you bring out the weirdest in me.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Revelations.

Tonight, we had our volleyball banquet party, and afterwards my dad came up to me and told me that the whole time I had been slouching. It didn't seem like much at the time, but when I got home and thought about it, I realized that I have never slouched untill these past few years. You might be thinking, 'Wow, why is she telling me this?' Well, just hold your horses, I'll get to the point here soon enough. :)
Anyways, I was wondering why all of the sudden I started slouching when I walked and stood, because I've always had good posture, and I realized that it's because these past few years, I have been slowly trying to fade into the background, to make myself as small as possible.
For all of 8th grade and now lot of 9th, I have struggled with immense insecurity. I feel so out-of-place in so many places, and it is something that is so hard for me to overcome, and I know that it's holding me back, but I just can't seem to shake it. By slouching, I felt almost invisible, barely-there, and I thought that maybe if people couldn't see me, they couldn't judge me. What I didn't realize is that all that time, all they saw was a girl always hiding in the back, not very friendly and not very confident, and that turned alot of people that I really could've used in my life away.
It's been a slow process, and it has really only kicked up these past few weeks, but I'm starting to feel more at-home and comfortable around my friends. I think that one possible reason is because of who I am hanging out with more and more-and here I'm going to gush about a certain 2 people that I have become so close with recently, but I'm not mentioning names-one of you I've never known before this year, and yet you make me feel like such a part of you, like we've been friends forever. I've been thinking about the people that have influenced me the most this year, and you are at the top of this list. Gosh, you have brought me out of my shell a little bit! When I'm around you, I feel so included, and loved, and cared for, and it feels like a true friendship, not one where I'm giving giving giving and getting nothing in return. You don't judge me-in fact, all the qualitites I hate about myself, you have told me those are your favorite parts! Even when we are not together, I don't have to worry, because no matter what I know I have a true friend in all of this. And it's not like if we are in a group, you just sort-of include me, while still talking to the others, it's me you're focused on! I have never in my life had someone truly focus on me when we are talking, it's like I'm the one that you actually want to talk to, not the one you were stuck with. Do you even know how amazing that is to me? I've never felt like someone actually wanted to talk to me as much as you do, and I am so grateful for that, it gives me a burst of confidence and a feeling of acceptance that I've never had before.
The other one of you is just as influencing. I've known you for only two years, and you are just as accepting as the girl I mentioned above. You come up and share things with me without me even having to ask, and I know that might be normal for you, but that's never happened with me. I always am the one at the end of the table who doesn't know what the others are talking about, they make no effort to include me, and I just hear snippets of the conversation. You greet me in the mornings with a hug and a smile, and I can tell that you are genuine in all that you do. With you, it's not for show. It's real, and I can't even describe how much I appreciate that.
There are others that are great friends to me, some I've known for longer, but right now, you two are the ones that I am thinking about the most. The true, honest friendship that you have given me is something that I've needed for so long, and I am so glad you two came into my life when you did. With ya'll's simple acknowledgments of our friendship, I feel so much more accepted, and when I feel accepted, I am more confident. In everything you do, you both do it with genuine kindness, and your actions make me feel like part of your group. With you two, I've finally found friends that formed a friendship with me as an original member (does that make sense?) I'm no longer a tag-a-long, no longer an outsider, and no longer afraid that no one loves me, because I know that you both do! I can't even begin to express my gratitude towards both of ya'll, my heart is overflowing, and I seriously might start crying...:)
I love you both as much as I could ever love anyone,
Emily.

2 comments:

  1. OH EMILY! And I am so happy that your insecurities are going away and that you are realizing that you are loved and that we want you to be included in everything! You are amazing and please don't ever forget that! Love you girl :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. thank you so much! I am happy about it, too. :)

    ReplyDelete