my second sister.

There is a person in my life that I consider more than a friend. They say we're not blood-related, but I am convinced that she is a long-lost triplet separated at birth, a third to complete my twin & I's pairing. She told me recently that she read my blog, and that she was sad to see that there was no entry about her, because she is so obviously the most important person in my life. :)

I wanted to make this entry special, so that she could see exactly how much she's meant to me in these past 9 years. Out of all the people I've ever known, she has made me laugh the hardest, she has made me smile the biggest, and she's also made me as mad as I could ever possibly be, and then she can turn around and have me clutching my sides in giggles again. Plus, what's a sisterhood without a couple of angry moments? And she IS my sister you know...

Somewhere in between all of the sleepovers, truth-or-dares, and cooking-show videos, a bond grew that, in my mind, is unseparable. She is like my second half, or my second third if you're counting my "real" twin. I don't believe that a sister is defined as someone who came from the same parents as you. I think that sisterhood is created when two spend enough time together and it feels no different than if your blood-related sibling was with you. There are still smiles, laughs, tears, yelling, and lots of memories.
Anyways, if she's reading this, I hope she knows that her being there for me all these years has really impacted my life. I wouldn't hesitate to call her if I ever needed something and I hope she feels the same. What are sisters for, anyway? :)
The main thing that I'm grateful for is the fact that after we were born (and separated at birth of course) it only took us until kindergarten to find each other! I can't even imagine what it would've been like if we had to keep searching for many more years, whew!

I love you, sister, & I always will!
<3 :)

Audrey Hepburn is...

...a goddess.

and that's all I have to say on the matter.

whirlaround.

There's a part of me that is deeply sad to say that I don't believe in Santa anymore. I haven't believed in him since 5th grade, and yet, even when we all knew he wasn't real, my family still pretended he was. We would leave milk and cookies on Christmas Eve knowing full well that it was my dad who got up in the middle of the night to eat them. My sister and I would have trouble going to sleep, because "Santa" was coming, even though we knew he really wasn't. Now, this year, we are not putting out milk and cookies, so my dad doesn't have to disturb his sleep to get up and throw them away. Christmas Eve night will be just like any other night, there will be no special visitor. And on Christmas morning, all of our gifts are from "Mom" or "Dad", there will be no boxes marked "From Santa". Even though all of this has been unnecessary in the past, because even with doing all these things in preparation for Santa, we still never believed, not doing these Christmas Eve traditions this year just seems to make it so final. And some of the magic is gone. Without milk and cookies, without trouble sleeping, and without gifts from "Santa", I feel like this Christmas will be a little less magical, a little less joyous, and a little less child-like. Through the years since 5th grade, we knew he wasn't real, and yet we pretended he was, and so we had all the excitment and little, fleeting glances of what it was like to be a child who believed again. Deep down, we knew that Santa's existence was, in fact, a lie, but we still kept his Christmas spirit alive. It was what made Christmas, Christmas! Now, that all of these normalcies are gone, my sister and I are just two teenagers who don't believe in Santa Claus and can't even pretend anymore. For me, that is depressing, because it means that the child-like spirit and joy of Christmas is gone from our hearts, there's no one to stay awake for, there's no unexpected gifts under the tree, and there is no one to eat the milk and cookies. It is a sad day when Santa disappears for good from a household, which is why I wish I had a little sibling that still believed with an innocent, pure, childish, and naive little heart. But, since I don't, this Christmas will be a day of being with family and wishing Happy Birthday to Jesus. I hope the big jolly man in the red suit is still in the hearts of people somewhere, because once the dream of childhood is lost, this world will be a sadder place.

discoveries, discoveries.

I have recently discovered Jillian Edwards, and her music makes me wonder where she's been all my life.
This is just a quick post, I just wanted to share some of my favorite lyrics from he songs that make my day better everytime I hear them. And yes, I DO sing along to all of these, it's impossible not to! :)

Try:
If you were a melody I'd sing you all the time
And if your hands were poetry I'd memorize every line
And if every look you gave me were
A different hue or shade of color
I'd learn how to paint you
............................
And if you were just one day
You'd be the very first of May
And I'd be sunlight in your skies


Songbird:
And I want to watch sunrise
With my love by my side
And I want to grow
And I want to learn
I want to fire
And I want to burn
I want to rise
And I want to fall
I want to run
And I want to crawl
I want to be a songbird
.................................
Take the strings and the things
I use to tie me to the ground
Let them all be gone


Nonfiction Love Song:
But we've got time to kill
All the reasons we should hold back
And I wear you on a Locket 'round my neck
And I haven't opened it up yet
But I'll look back and laugh I'll bet
And tell you 'bout these days
Like they are stories of old
And I wish my voice would echo
Through galaxies and such
To scratch the surface of
Explaining to you just how much I'm glad
You don't have to try
You don't have to change
Baby you stay just the same
.......................................
I'll try not to wish you would hurry
I'm learning how not to worry
I don't want to let you down

Gullible:
The song you sing
When you think of me
Is it soft and slow?
Does it fly and land
Somewhere you want to go?

Go Together:
Like a photograph to a smile
A runner to a mile
Like strings to a cello
Like a wave to a "Hello, how are you?"
Want to go together with You

July&June:
The phone line outside my house
Wonder what words it has seen
What would happen if they all spilled out
And, I got the lovley ones for free

Tie them in a bow and send them your way
On the fastest train I know, to get to you
Do I really need a reason besides "I want too"
And I've got an unending debt to love you

If you were to say that you love Thursdays
I'd do my best to plan
I'd find a way, convince them to escape from their usual weekday clans
I'd set them right, so they're side by side
On a calendar for you
Throw the old one out
Keep the yellow storage house of sunny Saturdays too
Free for you to use

Revelations.

Tonight, we had our volleyball banquet party, and afterwards my dad came up to me and told me that the whole time I had been slouching. It didn't seem like much at the time, but when I got home and thought about it, I realized that I have never slouched untill these past few years. You might be thinking, 'Wow, why is she telling me this?' Well, just hold your horses, I'll get to the point here soon enough. :)
Anyways, I was wondering why all of the sudden I started slouching when I walked and stood, because I've always had good posture, and I realized that it's because these past few years, I have been slowly trying to fade into the background, to make myself as small as possible.
For all of 8th grade and now lot of 9th, I have struggled with immense insecurity. I feel so out-of-place in so many places, and it is something that is so hard for me to overcome, and I know that it's holding me back, but I just can't seem to shake it. By slouching, I felt almost invisible, barely-there, and I thought that maybe if people couldn't see me, they couldn't judge me. What I didn't realize is that all that time, all they saw was a girl always hiding in the back, not very friendly and not very confident, and that turned alot of people that I really could've used in my life away.
It's been a slow process, and it has really only kicked up these past few weeks, but I'm starting to feel more at-home and comfortable around my friends. I think that one possible reason is because of who I am hanging out with more and more-and here I'm going to gush about a certain 2 people that I have become so close with recently, but I'm not mentioning names-one of you I've never known before this year, and yet you make me feel like such a part of you, like we've been friends forever. I've been thinking about the people that have influenced me the most this year, and you are at the top of this list. Gosh, you have brought me out of my shell a little bit! When I'm around you, I feel so included, and loved, and cared for, and it feels like a true friendship, not one where I'm giving giving giving and getting nothing in return. You don't judge me-in fact, all the qualitites I hate about myself, you have told me those are your favorite parts! Even when we are not together, I don't have to worry, because no matter what I know I have a true friend in all of this. And it's not like if we are in a group, you just sort-of include me, while still talking to the others, it's me you're focused on! I have never in my life had someone truly focus on me when we are talking, it's like I'm the one that you actually want to talk to, not the one you were stuck with. Do you even know how amazing that is to me? I've never felt like someone actually wanted to talk to me as much as you do, and I am so grateful for that, it gives me a burst of confidence and a feeling of acceptance that I've never had before.
The other one of you is just as influencing. I've known you for only two years, and you are just as accepting as the girl I mentioned above. You come up and share things with me without me even having to ask, and I know that might be normal for you, but that's never happened with me. I always am the one at the end of the table who doesn't know what the others are talking about, they make no effort to include me, and I just hear snippets of the conversation. You greet me in the mornings with a hug and a smile, and I can tell that you are genuine in all that you do. With you, it's not for show. It's real, and I can't even describe how much I appreciate that.
There are others that are great friends to me, some I've known for longer, but right now, you two are the ones that I am thinking about the most. The true, honest friendship that you have given me is something that I've needed for so long, and I am so glad you two came into my life when you did. With ya'll's simple acknowledgments of our friendship, I feel so much more accepted, and when I feel accepted, I am more confident. In everything you do, you both do it with genuine kindness, and your actions make me feel like part of your group. With you two, I've finally found friends that formed a friendship with me as an original member (does that make sense?) I'm no longer a tag-a-long, no longer an outsider, and no longer afraid that no one loves me, because I know that you both do! I can't even begin to express my gratitude towards both of ya'll, my heart is overflowing, and I seriously might start crying...:)
I love you both as much as I could ever love anyone,
Emily.