my second sister.

There is a person in my life that I consider more than a friend. They say we're not blood-related, but I am convinced that she is a long-lost triplet separated at birth, a third to complete my twin & I's pairing. She told me recently that she read my blog, and that she was sad to see that there was no entry about her, because she is so obviously the most important person in my life. :)

I wanted to make this entry special, so that she could see exactly how much she's meant to me in these past 9 years. Out of all the people I've ever known, she has made me laugh the hardest, she has made me smile the biggest, and she's also made me as mad as I could ever possibly be, and then she can turn around and have me clutching my sides in giggles again. Plus, what's a sisterhood without a couple of angry moments? And she IS my sister you know...

Somewhere in between all of the sleepovers, truth-or-dares, and cooking-show videos, a bond grew that, in my mind, is unseparable. She is like my second half, or my second third if you're counting my "real" twin. I don't believe that a sister is defined as someone who came from the same parents as you. I think that sisterhood is created when two spend enough time together and it feels no different than if your blood-related sibling was with you. There are still smiles, laughs, tears, yelling, and lots of memories.
Anyways, if she's reading this, I hope she knows that her being there for me all these years has really impacted my life. I wouldn't hesitate to call her if I ever needed something and I hope she feels the same. What are sisters for, anyway? :)
The main thing that I'm grateful for is the fact that after we were born (and separated at birth of course) it only took us until kindergarten to find each other! I can't even imagine what it would've been like if we had to keep searching for many more years, whew!

I love you, sister, & I always will!
<3 :)

Audrey Hepburn is...

...a goddess.

and that's all I have to say on the matter.

whirlaround.

There's a part of me that is deeply sad to say that I don't believe in Santa anymore. I haven't believed in him since 5th grade, and yet, even when we all knew he wasn't real, my family still pretended he was. We would leave milk and cookies on Christmas Eve knowing full well that it was my dad who got up in the middle of the night to eat them. My sister and I would have trouble going to sleep, because "Santa" was coming, even though we knew he really wasn't. Now, this year, we are not putting out milk and cookies, so my dad doesn't have to disturb his sleep to get up and throw them away. Christmas Eve night will be just like any other night, there will be no special visitor. And on Christmas morning, all of our gifts are from "Mom" or "Dad", there will be no boxes marked "From Santa". Even though all of this has been unnecessary in the past, because even with doing all these things in preparation for Santa, we still never believed, not doing these Christmas Eve traditions this year just seems to make it so final. And some of the magic is gone. Without milk and cookies, without trouble sleeping, and without gifts from "Santa", I feel like this Christmas will be a little less magical, a little less joyous, and a little less child-like. Through the years since 5th grade, we knew he wasn't real, and yet we pretended he was, and so we had all the excitment and little, fleeting glances of what it was like to be a child who believed again. Deep down, we knew that Santa's existence was, in fact, a lie, but we still kept his Christmas spirit alive. It was what made Christmas, Christmas! Now, that all of these normalcies are gone, my sister and I are just two teenagers who don't believe in Santa Claus and can't even pretend anymore. For me, that is depressing, because it means that the child-like spirit and joy of Christmas is gone from our hearts, there's no one to stay awake for, there's no unexpected gifts under the tree, and there is no one to eat the milk and cookies. It is a sad day when Santa disappears for good from a household, which is why I wish I had a little sibling that still believed with an innocent, pure, childish, and naive little heart. But, since I don't, this Christmas will be a day of being with family and wishing Happy Birthday to Jesus. I hope the big jolly man in the red suit is still in the hearts of people somewhere, because once the dream of childhood is lost, this world will be a sadder place.

discoveries, discoveries.

I have recently discovered Jillian Edwards, and her music makes me wonder where she's been all my life.
This is just a quick post, I just wanted to share some of my favorite lyrics from he songs that make my day better everytime I hear them. And yes, I DO sing along to all of these, it's impossible not to! :)

Try:
If you were a melody I'd sing you all the time
And if your hands were poetry I'd memorize every line
And if every look you gave me were
A different hue or shade of color
I'd learn how to paint you
............................
And if you were just one day
You'd be the very first of May
And I'd be sunlight in your skies


Songbird:
And I want to watch sunrise
With my love by my side
And I want to grow
And I want to learn
I want to fire
And I want to burn
I want to rise
And I want to fall
I want to run
And I want to crawl
I want to be a songbird
.................................
Take the strings and the things
I use to tie me to the ground
Let them all be gone


Nonfiction Love Song:
But we've got time to kill
All the reasons we should hold back
And I wear you on a Locket 'round my neck
And I haven't opened it up yet
But I'll look back and laugh I'll bet
And tell you 'bout these days
Like they are stories of old
And I wish my voice would echo
Through galaxies and such
To scratch the surface of
Explaining to you just how much I'm glad
You don't have to try
You don't have to change
Baby you stay just the same
.......................................
I'll try not to wish you would hurry
I'm learning how not to worry
I don't want to let you down

Gullible:
The song you sing
When you think of me
Is it soft and slow?
Does it fly and land
Somewhere you want to go?

Go Together:
Like a photograph to a smile
A runner to a mile
Like strings to a cello
Like a wave to a "Hello, how are you?"
Want to go together with You

July&June:
The phone line outside my house
Wonder what words it has seen
What would happen if they all spilled out
And, I got the lovley ones for free

Tie them in a bow and send them your way
On the fastest train I know, to get to you
Do I really need a reason besides "I want too"
And I've got an unending debt to love you

If you were to say that you love Thursdays
I'd do my best to plan
I'd find a way, convince them to escape from their usual weekday clans
I'd set them right, so they're side by side
On a calendar for you
Throw the old one out
Keep the yellow storage house of sunny Saturdays too
Free for you to use

Revelations.

Tonight, we had our volleyball banquet party, and afterwards my dad came up to me and told me that the whole time I had been slouching. It didn't seem like much at the time, but when I got home and thought about it, I realized that I have never slouched untill these past few years. You might be thinking, 'Wow, why is she telling me this?' Well, just hold your horses, I'll get to the point here soon enough. :)
Anyways, I was wondering why all of the sudden I started slouching when I walked and stood, because I've always had good posture, and I realized that it's because these past few years, I have been slowly trying to fade into the background, to make myself as small as possible.
For all of 8th grade and now lot of 9th, I have struggled with immense insecurity. I feel so out-of-place in so many places, and it is something that is so hard for me to overcome, and I know that it's holding me back, but I just can't seem to shake it. By slouching, I felt almost invisible, barely-there, and I thought that maybe if people couldn't see me, they couldn't judge me. What I didn't realize is that all that time, all they saw was a girl always hiding in the back, not very friendly and not very confident, and that turned alot of people that I really could've used in my life away.
It's been a slow process, and it has really only kicked up these past few weeks, but I'm starting to feel more at-home and comfortable around my friends. I think that one possible reason is because of who I am hanging out with more and more-and here I'm going to gush about a certain 2 people that I have become so close with recently, but I'm not mentioning names-one of you I've never known before this year, and yet you make me feel like such a part of you, like we've been friends forever. I've been thinking about the people that have influenced me the most this year, and you are at the top of this list. Gosh, you have brought me out of my shell a little bit! When I'm around you, I feel so included, and loved, and cared for, and it feels like a true friendship, not one where I'm giving giving giving and getting nothing in return. You don't judge me-in fact, all the qualitites I hate about myself, you have told me those are your favorite parts! Even when we are not together, I don't have to worry, because no matter what I know I have a true friend in all of this. And it's not like if we are in a group, you just sort-of include me, while still talking to the others, it's me you're focused on! I have never in my life had someone truly focus on me when we are talking, it's like I'm the one that you actually want to talk to, not the one you were stuck with. Do you even know how amazing that is to me? I've never felt like someone actually wanted to talk to me as much as you do, and I am so grateful for that, it gives me a burst of confidence and a feeling of acceptance that I've never had before.
The other one of you is just as influencing. I've known you for only two years, and you are just as accepting as the girl I mentioned above. You come up and share things with me without me even having to ask, and I know that might be normal for you, but that's never happened with me. I always am the one at the end of the table who doesn't know what the others are talking about, they make no effort to include me, and I just hear snippets of the conversation. You greet me in the mornings with a hug and a smile, and I can tell that you are genuine in all that you do. With you, it's not for show. It's real, and I can't even describe how much I appreciate that.
There are others that are great friends to me, some I've known for longer, but right now, you two are the ones that I am thinking about the most. The true, honest friendship that you have given me is something that I've needed for so long, and I am so glad you two came into my life when you did. With ya'll's simple acknowledgments of our friendship, I feel so much more accepted, and when I feel accepted, I am more confident. In everything you do, you both do it with genuine kindness, and your actions make me feel like part of your group. With you two, I've finally found friends that formed a friendship with me as an original member (does that make sense?) I'm no longer a tag-a-long, no longer an outsider, and no longer afraid that no one loves me, because I know that you both do! I can't even begin to express my gratitude towards both of ya'll, my heart is overflowing, and I seriously might start crying...:)
I love you both as much as I could ever love anyone,
Emily.

Just for looking,, the old days

I was looking through the pictures on my computer and I was amazed to see how many pictures and memories I had forgotten about! The above pictures are some that were only from last year or two years ago, and yet they are hidden way back in my head. I wanted to pull them out again, so whenever I look at this blog, I can no longer forget.

These Things Will Change.

People tend to surprise me. I am a mix of expectations, I will often think that I can trust someone to always act a certain way, and then they do something to change that, and suddenly I always think to expect inconsistency from them. I do not know why some people act the way that they do, and I even am confused about the way that I act sometimes. I feel that humans are programmed to break boundaries, shatter expectations, and completely throw off the balance of what their friends and family think of them. You can honestly think, even swear, that you know how someone will react, because of their reactions in the past, and then, all of the sudden, what you were expecting doesn't happen and you have absolutley no idea what to do about it. I have found that when people act a different way than normal, it's not always for the better, and it's not always for the worse. Though I have been blessed many times because of someone's change of heart, I have also been hurt far too many times to continue trying to predict how people will act. No matter how dependable, constant, and un-changing they have been in the past, at some point, everyone will make a change in their behavior that will break a friend's trust, shatter their family's respect, and completley turn the course of their life around. I realized today that the best way to protect myself from not being confused, angry, or hurt by a change someone has made, is simply to expect the unexpected from them. When I have no expectations, I can't be disappointed, and that's the truth.

Sisterly Friendship.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am obsessed with the Olsen twins. I think that Mary-Kate and Ashley are just so cool, and they are so supportive of the other. Being a twin, I always want my sister and I to have that same type of relationship. (And anyone who knows us knows that that is not always achieved..)

My hope for my sister and I is that once we grow out of this stage where we fight constantly with each other, that we will realize how lucky we are to have someone who has always been there and will always be there. I love her, now I just have to like her!

Words From the Wise.

I truly believe that there are some human beings that are simply...wise. They have so much to say and put their thoughts into such elegant-sounding sentences that I get excited just looking at the words. These are, or so I believe, deeply inspirational and lovely to my ears. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do. :)

"In the end, it's not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away."

-Edie Sedgwick

.....................................................................................................

"When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one that has opened for us."

-Alexander Graham Bell

.....................................................................................................

"For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone."

-Audrey Hepburn

.....................................................................................................

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

-Marilyn Monroe

.....................................................................................................

"Fashion is not something that exists in dresses only. Fashion is in the sky, in the street, fashion has to do with ideas, the way we live, what is happening."

-Coco Chanel

.....................................................................................................

"The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing a p a r t."

-Elisabeth Foley

.....................................................................................................

"A friend knows the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails."

-Donna Roberts

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"You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip."

-Jonathan Carroll

.....................................................................................................

"Do I love you because you're beautiful, or are you beautiful because I love you?"

-Richard Rodgers

growing dreams.

i am nobody's idea of someone who would be interested in fashion. from a tiny texas town, haven't even graduated high school, and so no one believes that this could be what i want to do. but it is! oh, it is, i want to be in this business more than anything else. i can't take Vogue-worthy photographs, i can't afford designer duds and have no cute little thrift store to pick up vintage items from, and i am still figuring out how to make this blog look halfway decent, but i have such a strong dream inside of me, it's all i want and i will strain to reach it! everything in me yearns to be somewhere where i can be more inspired, where i can learn techniques and terms about design that i cannot even imagine living here. parsons is my d r e a m school, i would give anything to be accepted there! though i have extra challenges that a girl growing up in nyc with parents in the industry doesn't have, i know i have equal or more heart, and i believe that by trying, i can do anything, anything at all, including fashion.

ab-tastic!

I am not a twilight fan (at all), but i know one thing for sure-i will go back to see New Moon a hundred times if it means that i get to stare at those abs of Taylor Lautner's all night long!


My sister is a die-hard Edward fan, but i personally think that he is extremley unattractive and constantly looks like he got back from smoking pot. I went to the movie with a couple of my friends, and by the end of the movie we were all in agreement- T.L.'s body is the greatest thing we've ever seen.


If you still don't know what i'm talking about, just check the picture--

see what i mean? :)

3Girls ((remake))

This time, I'm not going to let my insecuritites and problems get in the way of the writing of this post. I've decided to take a new outlook on my friendships and other relationships-I'm going to fous on the good, because truthfully, there is so much more good than bad when it comes to the people I interact with, and I have no room to complain. :)

1. You are amazing! You confront me when we have a problem, instead of just letting it sit and sit and neither one of us knows exactly how the other is feeling. I am HONORED that you feel comfortable enough with me that you can come forward and tell me, "Hey, I was confused and hurt by this, and I want to work it out." That shows a mark of a true friend, and I am lucky to have you as my 2nd sister. I will never again doubt our friendship or try to push blame on you! Thanks again, sis! :)

2. You are so funny & sweet & easy to get along with! I can't wait to develop our friendship more and see where your crazy personality leads us. I love the fact that you haven't "grown up too fast", because so many of us know things that our parents would be shocked that we know! Some people call it "innocence", but I think you are just a great influence. :)

3. We might've been going through a bit of a rough patch for a while, but now that everything's all good, I can see what I was missing! You are, always have been, and always will be one of my closest friends, and I can't wait to go to camp with you this summer! You have taught me more than you could ever know, and I love you for that! :)


Love you all to Heaven and back!!

my dancing refugee.

So there is this girl who never lets me down, who always makes me laugh, and occasionally makes me want to slap her upside the face :)
...but then she makes me laugh again, so it's all good!

I've known her for NINE YEARS, can you believe that? I can't! We've gone through elementary, middle, and now, high school together, and I don't know what I'm going to do when we go off to seperate colleges! Each year our friendship gets stronger and stronger, and we still have plenty of time for it to grow even more. I can tell her anything, and she is my BFFAEAE (Best Friend Forever And Ever And Ever). We are sitting in this little room right now with some other strange, loner kids like us (haha, just kidding), and she asked me to write this blog about her, and it is my pleasure, i just love her that much :)

So, basically what I am saying is that I don't know what I would do without her, and I know everyone says that, but seriously. How are you supposed to go more than half of your life knowing someone, and then suddenly, they are not in your life anymore? I couldn't do it! Which means that we HAVE to stay in touch till the day we die. And then we will go to Heaven and can talk everyday for eternity. :)

Yepp, so that's it. I know she's reading this, so just to let you know, i adore you,
Elizabeth Ann Alamillo :)

it's that time of year again...

yes, it is finally fall. my favorite season!
i love it for many reasons. one, because the weather is perfect-not too hot, not too cold. two, because my 2 favorite holidays-Thanksgiving & Christmas- are just around the corner! Also, fall is an amazing time for shopping :)
This time of the year puts me in the greatest mood, and everything about it is great. Fall-time is when the best food is made, when the most relaxing songs are heard, and when I feel closest to my family. YAY FALL!
x]

frustration station.

oh, goodness.
volleyball today was...pure disappointment.
i wish i knew what i was doing wrong, what the others do that seem to make them perfect and valued in the coach's eyes.
what the HECK am i doing? i know i got put on the team because of my serves, and now i can't even give those to them. is it just a bad day? or do i really, really suck? am i always going to be this inconsistent?
i'm so confused. i'm angry, frustrated, nervous, unsure, doubtful, and emotional right now. this is the only thing i could think of to do, so here i am.

wish me luck as i possibly humiliate myself tomorrow.

i despise my name.

Emily.
so boring and common and disgusting.
it would even be alright if it was spelled differently, like
Emalee
or Emilee
or Emaleigh
or Emileigh
or Emalea
or Emilea.
but no.
it's just E m i l y. :P

this stupid, sinking dream.

unrealistic.
that's what everyone else tells me.
"It's just not going to work. There's a one-in-a-million chance of it, and you're not that one."
and i almost believed them, for a while.
sure, there's a one-in-a-million chance,
sure, i'm not a kid starlet with famous parents and a heap of money,
sure, i can't draw, or sew, or sketch, or hem, or do any of that stuff that is deemed nesscary to succeed.
but why can't i be that one?
who says i can't make my own way?
why can't i learn those things now, is it so important that i know them for years?

i say these things, but i don't believe them. my last, small hope of a life beyond ordinary is fading fast, and will soon be gone. if i was meant for this, it would've happened earlier, right? i wouldn't be sitting here in small-town Texas, writing a blog to people who don't care, don't read, and won't ever appreciate my words. What is so special about those people, that they get a chance at something bigger in life, and why doesn't it happen to me? Sometimes I feel like i'm on top of the world, and then i look down, and i'm only three feet above the ground. I put on something that i'm sure will get me noticed, but all people see is the next girl over. i'm skipped over, ignored, passed around, and looked down upon. i'm nothing special. i have a dream, but so do millions of other girls, and they're the ones with the power, status, and influence enough to make something of it. if i can't be who i long to be, then who do i be? when i die, will the only people remembering me be my friends and family? i can't bear to think about the fact that i will probably not ever become someone who the world will remember, simply because there are those who are in line with the same dream, and they are at the front, and me? the very back. i don't have a rags-to-riches story. i've lived in the same place in the same house with the same people all my life. my friends are the greaest thing and yet they are nothing like me. they don't, can't, won't understand why i wouldn't want to just grow up, go to a well-known Texas college, get married right out of college, settle down near the family, and have 3 children that are named Madison, Blake, and Emily. Personally, i cannot think of a more dull, lifeless, and boring life than that of the All-American family.
I'm looking for a chance, looking for a shot, looking towards my goal and stretching and reaching untill i just can't take it anymore. i may not be anything special, but i don't believe that the Lord wouold put this desire so strongly in my heart unless He was intending to do something with it.
So for now, i better go take those sewing lessons.



Life is so beautiful, but it's also very unfair.

an afterthought.

Life is really something. And that's that.

Packed and Ready.

Today, I am going on an adventure. :)

...Ok, so not really. I am just going to Dallas, but seeing how boring my summer has been so far, it is big enough for me. xD
My sister is going to compete in a state acrobatic gymnastics meet, and I am going to cheer her on!! Acro from 10:00 in the morning to 6:00 at night for 2 days, yayy!!!
NOT.
Yeah, they are pretty boring. But what is cheering me up is the fact that I might (cross your fingers) see this guy from her last acro meet. Ryan, mmmm. He is seriously the h o t t e s t guy I've ever seen and I am praying that I see him there!! Ah, that would make it all worth it..
Ok, that's it. See you, um, talk to you later, I don't know what to write here, oh well.
Au revoir and wish me luck with the dreamboat!!
Love, em. x)



P.S. My color scheme for this blog is really geting me down. I don't know what to do it as, and I don't like how it looks now. Any suggestions?

14 Things I Wish I Had Figured Out Sooner, But I Didn't.

1. The person you see in the mirror is beautiful, no matter what, because God made her!

2. Nobody is going to remember what you wore yesterday in a year or even next week. Don't spend so much time perfecting the outside when the thing that people are going to remember about you is the inside. ( But, hey, looking nice is never a sin ;D )

3. Fear is just Satan's way of keeping you from getting as much joy as you possibly can out of your life.

4. If God got you TO it, He can get you THROUGH it.

5. Live for the everyday moment. The minute you start wondering and freaking out about the future, you will forget your present and might miss out on something very valuable.

6. You can't wait on Prince Charming. If no one likes you, then no one likes you, you get over it and realize that your Eternal Prince is far greater than any Charming's the world could turn up. And one day, if God wills it, He will lead the right guy into your life.

7. People aren't going to believe you're a Christian if you don't act like one.

8. N O O N E is perfect. Well, except for Jesus.

9. You can't change who you are. You can fake iit, change your appearance, and switch cliques, but you'll always just be you. The minute you embrace this, you allow God to come in and shape you into the person He has always planned for you to be.

10. Don't devote yourself to something that will only let you down; a material thing. Let the Lord fill your every action and thought, and you will have eternal pleasure & happiness.

11. Jesus Christ is the way, the right way, and the only way. There is no Jesus without life, and there is no life without Jesus.

12. If you say something, you better be able to back it up. People don't like liars.

13. True love does not happen in middle school. It does not happen in high school. It may not even happen in college. The world is too big of an ocean to be set on one fish right now.

14. Hope is a thing with feathers, and it can fly if you just let it.

a day in the life of a french-speaking wannabe.

Yes, I wish i knew French. I am a French-speaking wannabe. No, scratch that, I am a FRENCH wannabe. I wish I not only knew French, but had the adorable accent to go with it.

short post, but that's my life story right there. x)

Inspiration.

I am inspired by s o m a n y t h i n g s , I can't even begin to name them all. Marc Jacob's floaty chiffon dresses and Chloe's tough-meets-chic ruffled cream-coloured ankle boots make me want to fly away on Cloud 9. Just hearing William Fitzsimmon's magical voice softly through my speaker gives me enough inspiration to write a whole book of songs (that i could never, ever sing, thanks to my tone-deaf voice) but songs all the same. Looking around, when I see sunlight streaming through the trees making them all shadow-y and beautiful, I can barely breathe. "Lack of inspiration" is not a term I can ever use. I believe that people who use that as an excuse are just lazy, because there is inspiration all around us! It may not be in the form that you were expecting it to be in but it is there! Half-bloomed flowers and music and poetry, and friends, and animals and French accents and CLOTHES! (oh yes, clothes) all set fire to my imagination and once I've started, I can't stop.
Why am I writing this again? I know, it makes me sound like an old maid who has nothing else to do with her life, sorry. I think I am writing this not really to be read, but more for myself, you know? Like, if I could just get it all out in words, that makes me realize how much I have to be thankful for. Inspiration is one of the few things in life that will never run out, never grow old, and you can never get enough of it. I love feeling inspired. In fact, writing this post has inspired me to go write another post!
Au Revoir for now, loves.