finalllllllyyyy.

A F R I C A.
i feel like it's all i can think about lately.
I'M SO EXCITED!!!
i feel such a call to go there and serve those who have almost nothing, who don't know the Lord, and who don't feel like there's any hope. i absolutely cannot wait. this excitment is up there with the excitment of going to Pine Cove (maybe a little more, oh my goodness!) i am iinnnn looovvee with the idea of beginning to go on mission trips, but i want to make sure my heart's in the right place. i've been praying and thinkin about it, and i can truly say that i want to go to Africa to help people and spread the word of Jesus Christ. Yes, i am excited about going to another continent, yes i'm excited about saying that i've had that experience, but that is not the main reason i want to go. i want to make a difference in the lives of those people, i want to do my small part in changing the world. i know i won't be recognizable or remembered specifically, but i want to be a part of something that makes my God smile!

Now, i know it's not all fun and games. i have to admit, i'm scared out of my mind. right now, my excitement is sort of masking all of my fears, but i have a feeling that as the date we leave comes closer, i will begin to doubt if i want to do this. but that's my fear talking, and it's time i let all of that go. i will not miss this opportunity! more shots at once then i've ever gotten in my life? if delany can do it, i can do it! malaria medication that COULD cause hallucinations? i'll take my chances and trust in the Lord! my fear of a plance crash, getting kidnapped while there, or starving because of my picky food habits? i'm giving it to God! i need to trust that He'll take care of me. i can do this, with His help...

Anyone reading this, please pray for everyone on the trips safety. pray that we will be able to get over there and do the good works that we were sent there to do, and pray that the Lord will work His magic to relieve our fears and help us help others.

AHHH!
:)

hands clapping, hearts shaking, there's no faking...

title inspired by a stupid little Camp Rock song that's been stuck in my head all day...i'm not even sure if I got the lyrics right...
:)

so anyways, i'm here in BCIS yet again, with nothing to do and every website blocked except for this one (thank goodness, because i spend so much time on here reading random blogs it's unrrrreal). i don't know what to do with myself, and i feel like people are watching me type this, so..
creeper kids around me stop looking!
alright, all clear. i don't really know why i decided to write this post, maybe it was my extreme boredom and the fact that there is still 20 minutes left of class and I'VE FINISHED ALL MY DANG CURRICULUM VIEWER?!
maybe.
but i don't know.
i think i just feel like writing.

and now all my creativity is gone, and there is nothing left to aimlessly type about.

uhg.

i did it.

i got in.
the thing that i've been wishing to be accepted to for months now, finally.
i made it.
okay, so i cheated.
but only a little bit.
and with help from a friend,
who cheated too.
so we're in this fake-acceptance together,
right?


whatever.
i got in. :)




(thanks a ton tay!)

camp craving.

I MISS PINE COVE SO MUCH IT'S UNBELIEVABLE. All I can think about is how much I want to go back, and I seriously don't think I can wait until July! I long for the feeling of peace and relaxation I get at camp, it's like nothing matters except being there to learn more about and praise my God. I need it even more now that I kind of stepped off my walk of faith for a little while there. I am just now trying to get back on the path, and going to camp would just renew my spirit and help me to continue on my journey with the Lord. That is what is most important, and I kind of lost sight of that.
Well, I don't want to get off onto a whole nother point, so I will continue talking about Pine Cove, if that's alright with ya'll. And even if it isn't, I'm going to talk about it anyway. :)
Camp is my heaven-on-earth. It is the one place where I can go and absolutely ALL my insecuritites melt away the second I walk onto the grounds. I'm bad at talking to people I don't know-who cares? I can talk to new people here because I know that I am in a safe place, a place where there's no judgemental eyes, a place where I can escape the normal world. That's just it-Pine Cove is not a normal camp. You don't go and come back the same person you were. You leave changed, with a fresh heart and a passion that you never knew you had. You become this person that, no matter what, if everything bad that could happen does happen to you, you can go to camp and feel completley pure, washed clean, and carefree. We walk around in mud-stained t-shirts and baggy shorts, tennis shoes and mismatched socks, Crocs (which I feel completley disgusting if I wear them anywehre else), messy ponytails, non-straightened hair, and no makeup. And the things is, that's how we make the best relationships. We can see the other person as what they really are, a child of the Lord. There's no mis-leading or fakey exteriors, no worries, no masks, nothing but our bare souls, all there for the very same reason. We grow and learn and cry and laugh and scream and hug and by the end of the week we have all experienced something that is beyond all explanation. We never want to leave. I never want to leave. I just wish I could stay there in that perfect, holy world that I feel so at home in and just right in.
I love Pine Cove and I'm seriously counting the months until I get to go back. FOR TWO WEEKS THIS TIME, I'M ECSTATIC!!!!!!
MISS YOU PC. <3

freak out.

I had a panic attack in the middle of the night last night. Yes, a genuine, can't-breathe panic attack. And I don't know why. I feel stressed out over nothing, seriously. I haven't had homework in two weeks, I have some projects but I'm on top of things, I've got everything on a timeline, under control. My parents and I haven't been arguing, Lainey and I are doing better. Barely, but better. Volleyball has been slowly improving. (Again, barely, but still.) MY LIFE SEEMS TO BE GOING JUST FINE. But maybe that's it. Maybe "just fine" isn't good enough anymore. I want it to be "incredible". I want to be able to look back at my day as I'm falling asleep and think "Wow, this day really couldn't have gone any better." I'm not asking for a miracle to happen everyday, or to win something everyday, or to make a new friend everyday, just that my days be ones that I can look back on and smile at. Right now, my days are just, blah. No emotion. Just blah. Sure, they're not bad, but they're not good either. And I long for my time on this earth to be good. No, GREAT.
I think I'm thinking about this too much. For starters, I need to re-give my life over to the Lord. I realize that I have slowly been moving away from Him, and I need to get back into my faith before the connection snaps completley. I've been stuck on thinking how I'M going to fix my problem, and that's exactly why they're not getting fixed.
First step: just b r e a t h e .

anxiously awaiting.

So this was supposed to be the blog post that I promised some friends, but I had a change of heart. The post was going to be another one of those "get off my case, I'm hurt and scared and angry" trauma-thons, but I realized that once I had written it down with pen and paper, I didn't really need to share it with the world. Let's just say it was written when I was not in the best mood towards someone, and my words reflected that. It was something that I really just needed to get off my chest. And now it is. On paper, safely tucked away from the eyes of my NINE FOLLOWERS (whooo!) :)

Sorry, Sam & Court, this isn't the juicy post I was going to blog about, but it'll have to do.