this stupid, sinking dream.

unrealistic.
that's what everyone else tells me.
"It's just not going to work. There's a one-in-a-million chance of it, and you're not that one."
and i almost believed them, for a while.
sure, there's a one-in-a-million chance,
sure, i'm not a kid starlet with famous parents and a heap of money,
sure, i can't draw, or sew, or sketch, or hem, or do any of that stuff that is deemed nesscary to succeed.
but why can't i be that one?
who says i can't make my own way?
why can't i learn those things now, is it so important that i know them for years?

i say these things, but i don't believe them. my last, small hope of a life beyond ordinary is fading fast, and will soon be gone. if i was meant for this, it would've happened earlier, right? i wouldn't be sitting here in small-town Texas, writing a blog to people who don't care, don't read, and won't ever appreciate my words. What is so special about those people, that they get a chance at something bigger in life, and why doesn't it happen to me? Sometimes I feel like i'm on top of the world, and then i look down, and i'm only three feet above the ground. I put on something that i'm sure will get me noticed, but all people see is the next girl over. i'm skipped over, ignored, passed around, and looked down upon. i'm nothing special. i have a dream, but so do millions of other girls, and they're the ones with the power, status, and influence enough to make something of it. if i can't be who i long to be, then who do i be? when i die, will the only people remembering me be my friends and family? i can't bear to think about the fact that i will probably not ever become someone who the world will remember, simply because there are those who are in line with the same dream, and they are at the front, and me? the very back. i don't have a rags-to-riches story. i've lived in the same place in the same house with the same people all my life. my friends are the greaest thing and yet they are nothing like me. they don't, can't, won't understand why i wouldn't want to just grow up, go to a well-known Texas college, get married right out of college, settle down near the family, and have 3 children that are named Madison, Blake, and Emily. Personally, i cannot think of a more dull, lifeless, and boring life than that of the All-American family.
I'm looking for a chance, looking for a shot, looking towards my goal and stretching and reaching untill i just can't take it anymore. i may not be anything special, but i don't believe that the Lord wouold put this desire so strongly in my heart unless He was intending to do something with it.
So for now, i better go take those sewing lessons.



Life is so beautiful, but it's also very unfair.