untitled.

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
That You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crooked lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

When You walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right
Yea, one day You will set all things right

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

Your hands
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave You when...

My world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave...
I never leave Your hands

Your Hands
-JJ HELLER

newfound love.

Joe Purdy is amazing. I mean AMAZING, amazing. I could listen to his songs all.day.long. He is seriously up there with Coldplay, John Mayer, and Jillian Edwards. Yeah, those are my four favorites. Coldplay, John Mayer, Jillian Edwards, and JOE PURDY.
here are my favorites of his that e v e r y o n e should buy:

I Love The Rain The Most When It Stops
San Jose
Suitcase
Mary
The City
Just Can't Seem to Get It Right Today

There are a bunch more that I haven't heard yet, but I am buying them on iTunes at this very second. If they're Joe, I know I'll love them!

[seriously, listen. I'm not exaggerating.]
:)

finalllllllyyyy.

A F R I C A.
i feel like it's all i can think about lately.
I'M SO EXCITED!!!
i feel such a call to go there and serve those who have almost nothing, who don't know the Lord, and who don't feel like there's any hope. i absolutely cannot wait. this excitment is up there with the excitment of going to Pine Cove (maybe a little more, oh my goodness!) i am iinnnn looovvee with the idea of beginning to go on mission trips, but i want to make sure my heart's in the right place. i've been praying and thinkin about it, and i can truly say that i want to go to Africa to help people and spread the word of Jesus Christ. Yes, i am excited about going to another continent, yes i'm excited about saying that i've had that experience, but that is not the main reason i want to go. i want to make a difference in the lives of those people, i want to do my small part in changing the world. i know i won't be recognizable or remembered specifically, but i want to be a part of something that makes my God smile!

Now, i know it's not all fun and games. i have to admit, i'm scared out of my mind. right now, my excitement is sort of masking all of my fears, but i have a feeling that as the date we leave comes closer, i will begin to doubt if i want to do this. but that's my fear talking, and it's time i let all of that go. i will not miss this opportunity! more shots at once then i've ever gotten in my life? if delany can do it, i can do it! malaria medication that COULD cause hallucinations? i'll take my chances and trust in the Lord! my fear of a plance crash, getting kidnapped while there, or starving because of my picky food habits? i'm giving it to God! i need to trust that He'll take care of me. i can do this, with His help...

Anyone reading this, please pray for everyone on the trips safety. pray that we will be able to get over there and do the good works that we were sent there to do, and pray that the Lord will work His magic to relieve our fears and help us help others.

AHHH!
:)

hands clapping, hearts shaking, there's no faking...

title inspired by a stupid little Camp Rock song that's been stuck in my head all day...i'm not even sure if I got the lyrics right...
:)

so anyways, i'm here in BCIS yet again, with nothing to do and every website blocked except for this one (thank goodness, because i spend so much time on here reading random blogs it's unrrrreal). i don't know what to do with myself, and i feel like people are watching me type this, so..
creeper kids around me stop looking!
alright, all clear. i don't really know why i decided to write this post, maybe it was my extreme boredom and the fact that there is still 20 minutes left of class and I'VE FINISHED ALL MY DANG CURRICULUM VIEWER?!
maybe.
but i don't know.
i think i just feel like writing.

and now all my creativity is gone, and there is nothing left to aimlessly type about.

uhg.

i did it.

i got in.
the thing that i've been wishing to be accepted to for months now, finally.
i made it.
okay, so i cheated.
but only a little bit.
and with help from a friend,
who cheated too.
so we're in this fake-acceptance together,
right?


whatever.
i got in. :)




(thanks a ton tay!)

camp craving.

I MISS PINE COVE SO MUCH IT'S UNBELIEVABLE. All I can think about is how much I want to go back, and I seriously don't think I can wait until July! I long for the feeling of peace and relaxation I get at camp, it's like nothing matters except being there to learn more about and praise my God. I need it even more now that I kind of stepped off my walk of faith for a little while there. I am just now trying to get back on the path, and going to camp would just renew my spirit and help me to continue on my journey with the Lord. That is what is most important, and I kind of lost sight of that.
Well, I don't want to get off onto a whole nother point, so I will continue talking about Pine Cove, if that's alright with ya'll. And even if it isn't, I'm going to talk about it anyway. :)
Camp is my heaven-on-earth. It is the one place where I can go and absolutely ALL my insecuritites melt away the second I walk onto the grounds. I'm bad at talking to people I don't know-who cares? I can talk to new people here because I know that I am in a safe place, a place where there's no judgemental eyes, a place where I can escape the normal world. That's just it-Pine Cove is not a normal camp. You don't go and come back the same person you were. You leave changed, with a fresh heart and a passion that you never knew you had. You become this person that, no matter what, if everything bad that could happen does happen to you, you can go to camp and feel completley pure, washed clean, and carefree. We walk around in mud-stained t-shirts and baggy shorts, tennis shoes and mismatched socks, Crocs (which I feel completley disgusting if I wear them anywehre else), messy ponytails, non-straightened hair, and no makeup. And the things is, that's how we make the best relationships. We can see the other person as what they really are, a child of the Lord. There's no mis-leading or fakey exteriors, no worries, no masks, nothing but our bare souls, all there for the very same reason. We grow and learn and cry and laugh and scream and hug and by the end of the week we have all experienced something that is beyond all explanation. We never want to leave. I never want to leave. I just wish I could stay there in that perfect, holy world that I feel so at home in and just right in.
I love Pine Cove and I'm seriously counting the months until I get to go back. FOR TWO WEEKS THIS TIME, I'M ECSTATIC!!!!!!
MISS YOU PC. <3

freak out.

I had a panic attack in the middle of the night last night. Yes, a genuine, can't-breathe panic attack. And I don't know why. I feel stressed out over nothing, seriously. I haven't had homework in two weeks, I have some projects but I'm on top of things, I've got everything on a timeline, under control. My parents and I haven't been arguing, Lainey and I are doing better. Barely, but better. Volleyball has been slowly improving. (Again, barely, but still.) MY LIFE SEEMS TO BE GOING JUST FINE. But maybe that's it. Maybe "just fine" isn't good enough anymore. I want it to be "incredible". I want to be able to look back at my day as I'm falling asleep and think "Wow, this day really couldn't have gone any better." I'm not asking for a miracle to happen everyday, or to win something everyday, or to make a new friend everyday, just that my days be ones that I can look back on and smile at. Right now, my days are just, blah. No emotion. Just blah. Sure, they're not bad, but they're not good either. And I long for my time on this earth to be good. No, GREAT.
I think I'm thinking about this too much. For starters, I need to re-give my life over to the Lord. I realize that I have slowly been moving away from Him, and I need to get back into my faith before the connection snaps completley. I've been stuck on thinking how I'M going to fix my problem, and that's exactly why they're not getting fixed.
First step: just b r e a t h e .

anxiously awaiting.

So this was supposed to be the blog post that I promised some friends, but I had a change of heart. The post was going to be another one of those "get off my case, I'm hurt and scared and angry" trauma-thons, but I realized that once I had written it down with pen and paper, I didn't really need to share it with the world. Let's just say it was written when I was not in the best mood towards someone, and my words reflected that. It was something that I really just needed to get off my chest. And now it is. On paper, safely tucked away from the eyes of my NINE FOLLOWERS (whooo!) :)

Sorry, Sam & Court, this isn't the juicy post I was going to blog about, but it'll have to do.

wild at heart.

I love my friends.
That's all there is to it.
Sure, they make me angry, they disappoint me,
they don't always understand me, and they have given me so many things to be upset about in the past, but the fact is that,
they are always, always there for me.
I know we all make mistakes, and so I can forgive them for theirs, and hope they do the same for me. I truly, truly hope that we will be those friends that call each other daily after graduating highschool, when we all go our separate ways at different colleges. My mom says that she doesn't keep in touch with her highschool friends, only her college ones, and that makes me so unbelievably sad. Some of my friends have been my friends since KINDERGARTEN, and I am 99.99999% that we are not going to all of the sudden not be friends anymore before we graduate, and so I don't want to lose that when we don't see each other all the time anymore! We are BEST FRIENDS, SISTERS FOR LIFE, PARTNERS IN CRIMES, and LOVERS OF LIFE. My friends and I stick together, get on each others nerves, and then laugh and cry and hug and fall all over each other. We have a bond that will not give up, break up, or lose strength. I hope and pray and dream and wish with all my heart that we will go to college, do our own thing, and still be best friends, exactly as if we were not hundreds of miles apart. WE WILL NOT GO THE SAME COURSE MY MOM AND HER FRIENDS DID, we will continue to all 20-way call or more, whoever wants to join in. WE WILL KEEP IN TOUCH. We will! It's going to happen, there's no way I will let it not happen.
My friends and I? Yeah, we'll be together for a looonnnggg time. :)

maybe that's just me.

I feel like I'm falling and spiraling and I just can't get up. I'm sick of people, I'm sick of being alone. I'm sick of feeling like I have no control over my life, and I'm sick that I haven't truly let the Lord have control yet. I'm sick of being me, I'm sick of being unhappy to be me. I'm sick, sick, SICK of hiding and holing everything up inside, and yet I'm sick of not being brave enough to let it all out. I'm sick of feeling like there's no one who really understands me, and I'm sick of having people in my life who understand me almost too much. I'm sick of life, I'm sick of my fear of death, I'm sick of loving too much and I'm sick of not loving at all. I'm sick of knowing exactly what's wrong with me, and I'm sick of not being able to figure it out. I'm sick of my parents, I'm sick of not having their respect. I'm sick of disappointing people, and I'm sick of my obsession to be constantly trying to live up to their expectations. I'm sick of hate, I'm sick of love, I'm sick of hope, and I'm sick of fear. I'm sick of trying to be someone I'm not, and I'm sick of hating who I am. I'm sick of insecurity, I'm sick of people who are fearless. I'm sick of the guilt that hangs over my head everyday, and I'm sick of not getting up and doing anything about it. I'm SICK, and it's time I got better.

But maybe that's just me.

more and more and more and more.

Movie quotes are the best.
love, friendship, faith, it's all in there.

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return."-Moulin Rouge

"I want you to get swept away. I want you to levitate. I want you to sing with rapture, dance like a dervish."-Meet Joe Black

"I am no one special. Just a common man with common thoughts. I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but in one respect I've succeeded as gloriously as anyone who ever lived. I've loved another with all my heart and soul and for me that has always been enough. "-The Notebook

"Some people can't believe in themselves until someone else believes in them first."-Good Will Hunting

"It's not that I'm afraid of dying, it's that I'm afraid of time. You know, not having enough of it."-Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants

"I didnt come back to tell you that i cant live without you. I can live without you. I just dont want to."-Rumor Has It

"The brave do not live forever but the cautious do not live at all."-Princess Diaries

"There are some hurts that you never completely get over. And you think that time will diminish their presence and to a degree it does, but it still hurts because well, hurt hurts."-The Story of Us

"All our young lives we search for someone to love, someone to make us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope, all the while wondering if somewhere, somehow, someone perfect is searching for us.”-My Wonderful Year

"I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me. But it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once...and it's too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. And then I remember... to relax, and not try to hold on to it. And then it flows through me like rain. And I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life."-American Beauty

"Lots of girls show their beauty because they want the world to see it, but others try to hide it so people will look for something more."-The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants

"You're amazing...and I have nothing to offer you, but I'm involved now. You jump, I jump, remember? I can't turn away without knowing your going to be alright."-Titanic

"Thats what people do. They leap, and hope to God they can fly."-Hitch

"You know what's wrong with you, Miss Whoever-you-are? You're chicken, you've got no guts. You're afraid to stick out your chin and say, 'Okay, life's a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that's the only chance anybody's got for real happiness.' You call yourself a free spirit, a "wild thing," and you're terrified somebody's gonna stick you in a cage. Well baby, you're already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it's not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somali-land. It's wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself."-Breakfast at Tiffany's

"I'm fighting for something that's real for the first time in my life."-Step Up



and that, ladies & gentlemen, is how the moviemakers get you.

i got sunshine, on a cloudy day.

25 Things to Look For in a Guy:
1. He puts God first, Jesus second, and the Holy Spirit third. I'm okay with being fourth.
2. He tells the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
3. He loves and respects his MOM- their relationship tells exactly how he plans to treat the women in his life.
4. He doesn't let any immature friends he might have influence any of his decisions.
5. He isn't a sexist pig- he realizes that women are NOT useless beings to look at or order around.
6. He isn't in to all that "wow, look at her rack" crap.
7. He won't call me "Hott". "Beautiful" or "Lovely" is more like it.
8. He supports me in whatever I want to do in life, he wants me to achieve every dream I could ever have, and urges me forward when I stumble.
9. He isn't sloppy, lazy, rude, or OCD. On the contrary, he is neat, a hard-worker, sweet, and knows how to pick his battles.
10. He has his priorities straight.
11. He stands strong in his faith, and isn't swayed by the "temptations of the world".
12. He looks my father straight in the eye and tells him that he will take care of his little girl, and my father believes him without a doubt in his mind.
13. He completes me, compliments me, and compares me to no one. In his eyes, I am perfect.
14. He notices the little things, the good things, and the important things.
15. He lets things go, he can take a joke, and he never holds grudges.
16. He isn't cocky, he knows that the Lord is the only one who has the right to be proud of hs creations.
17. He loves to travel and wants to adopt, and he makes enough money to do both!
18. He only says things that would be uplifting, he would never want to tear me down.
19. He is respectful of women. He is polite and would never stare at pictures of boobs.
20. He is adament about helping others less fortunate- he never lets me get away with feeling sorry for myself when I am blessed beyond belief. He always thinks of others before himself, always.
21. He completley understands my boundaries. He wants his first kiss to be his wedding kiss, too!
22. He LOVES dogs.
23. He knows that country life has never been his thing, either.
24. He realizes that living a full and happy life that God will be proud of is of the upmost importance to him.
25. He sings "I got sunshine, on a cloudy day" and I know he means me.

my second sister.

There is a person in my life that I consider more than a friend. They say we're not blood-related, but I am convinced that she is a long-lost triplet separated at birth, a third to complete my twin & I's pairing. She told me recently that she read my blog, and that she was sad to see that there was no entry about her, because she is so obviously the most important person in my life. :)

I wanted to make this entry special, so that she could see exactly how much she's meant to me in these past 9 years. Out of all the people I've ever known, she has made me laugh the hardest, she has made me smile the biggest, and she's also made me as mad as I could ever possibly be, and then she can turn around and have me clutching my sides in giggles again. Plus, what's a sisterhood without a couple of angry moments? And she IS my sister you know...

Somewhere in between all of the sleepovers, truth-or-dares, and cooking-show videos, a bond grew that, in my mind, is unseparable. She is like my second half, or my second third if you're counting my "real" twin. I don't believe that a sister is defined as someone who came from the same parents as you. I think that sisterhood is created when two spend enough time together and it feels no different than if your blood-related sibling was with you. There are still smiles, laughs, tears, yelling, and lots of memories.
Anyways, if she's reading this, I hope she knows that her being there for me all these years has really impacted my life. I wouldn't hesitate to call her if I ever needed something and I hope she feels the same. What are sisters for, anyway? :)
The main thing that I'm grateful for is the fact that after we were born (and separated at birth of course) it only took us until kindergarten to find each other! I can't even imagine what it would've been like if we had to keep searching for many more years, whew!

I love you, sister, & I always will!
<3 :)

Audrey Hepburn is...

...a goddess.

and that's all I have to say on the matter.

whirlaround.

There's a part of me that is deeply sad to say that I don't believe in Santa anymore. I haven't believed in him since 5th grade, and yet, even when we all knew he wasn't real, my family still pretended he was. We would leave milk and cookies on Christmas Eve knowing full well that it was my dad who got up in the middle of the night to eat them. My sister and I would have trouble going to sleep, because "Santa" was coming, even though we knew he really wasn't. Now, this year, we are not putting out milk and cookies, so my dad doesn't have to disturb his sleep to get up and throw them away. Christmas Eve night will be just like any other night, there will be no special visitor. And on Christmas morning, all of our gifts are from "Mom" or "Dad", there will be no boxes marked "From Santa". Even though all of this has been unnecessary in the past, because even with doing all these things in preparation for Santa, we still never believed, not doing these Christmas Eve traditions this year just seems to make it so final. And some of the magic is gone. Without milk and cookies, without trouble sleeping, and without gifts from "Santa", I feel like this Christmas will be a little less magical, a little less joyous, and a little less child-like. Through the years since 5th grade, we knew he wasn't real, and yet we pretended he was, and so we had all the excitment and little, fleeting glances of what it was like to be a child who believed again. Deep down, we knew that Santa's existence was, in fact, a lie, but we still kept his Christmas spirit alive. It was what made Christmas, Christmas! Now, that all of these normalcies are gone, my sister and I are just two teenagers who don't believe in Santa Claus and can't even pretend anymore. For me, that is depressing, because it means that the child-like spirit and joy of Christmas is gone from our hearts, there's no one to stay awake for, there's no unexpected gifts under the tree, and there is no one to eat the milk and cookies. It is a sad day when Santa disappears for good from a household, which is why I wish I had a little sibling that still believed with an innocent, pure, childish, and naive little heart. But, since I don't, this Christmas will be a day of being with family and wishing Happy Birthday to Jesus. I hope the big jolly man in the red suit is still in the hearts of people somewhere, because once the dream of childhood is lost, this world will be a sadder place.

discoveries, discoveries.

I have recently discovered Jillian Edwards, and her music makes me wonder where she's been all my life.
This is just a quick post, I just wanted to share some of my favorite lyrics from he songs that make my day better everytime I hear them. And yes, I DO sing along to all of these, it's impossible not to! :)

Try:
If you were a melody I'd sing you all the time
And if your hands were poetry I'd memorize every line
And if every look you gave me were
A different hue or shade of color
I'd learn how to paint you
............................
And if you were just one day
You'd be the very first of May
And I'd be sunlight in your skies


Songbird:
And I want to watch sunrise
With my love by my side
And I want to grow
And I want to learn
I want to fire
And I want to burn
I want to rise
And I want to fall
I want to run
And I want to crawl
I want to be a songbird
.................................
Take the strings and the things
I use to tie me to the ground
Let them all be gone


Nonfiction Love Song:
But we've got time to kill
All the reasons we should hold back
And I wear you on a Locket 'round my neck
And I haven't opened it up yet
But I'll look back and laugh I'll bet
And tell you 'bout these days
Like they are stories of old
And I wish my voice would echo
Through galaxies and such
To scratch the surface of
Explaining to you just how much I'm glad
You don't have to try
You don't have to change
Baby you stay just the same
.......................................
I'll try not to wish you would hurry
I'm learning how not to worry
I don't want to let you down

Gullible:
The song you sing
When you think of me
Is it soft and slow?
Does it fly and land
Somewhere you want to go?

Go Together:
Like a photograph to a smile
A runner to a mile
Like strings to a cello
Like a wave to a "Hello, how are you?"
Want to go together with You

July&June:
The phone line outside my house
Wonder what words it has seen
What would happen if they all spilled out
And, I got the lovley ones for free

Tie them in a bow and send them your way
On the fastest train I know, to get to you
Do I really need a reason besides "I want too"
And I've got an unending debt to love you

If you were to say that you love Thursdays
I'd do my best to plan
I'd find a way, convince them to escape from their usual weekday clans
I'd set them right, so they're side by side
On a calendar for you
Throw the old one out
Keep the yellow storage house of sunny Saturdays too
Free for you to use

Revelations.

Tonight, we had our volleyball banquet party, and afterwards my dad came up to me and told me that the whole time I had been slouching. It didn't seem like much at the time, but when I got home and thought about it, I realized that I have never slouched untill these past few years. You might be thinking, 'Wow, why is she telling me this?' Well, just hold your horses, I'll get to the point here soon enough. :)
Anyways, I was wondering why all of the sudden I started slouching when I walked and stood, because I've always had good posture, and I realized that it's because these past few years, I have been slowly trying to fade into the background, to make myself as small as possible.
For all of 8th grade and now lot of 9th, I have struggled with immense insecurity. I feel so out-of-place in so many places, and it is something that is so hard for me to overcome, and I know that it's holding me back, but I just can't seem to shake it. By slouching, I felt almost invisible, barely-there, and I thought that maybe if people couldn't see me, they couldn't judge me. What I didn't realize is that all that time, all they saw was a girl always hiding in the back, not very friendly and not very confident, and that turned alot of people that I really could've used in my life away.
It's been a slow process, and it has really only kicked up these past few weeks, but I'm starting to feel more at-home and comfortable around my friends. I think that one possible reason is because of who I am hanging out with more and more-and here I'm going to gush about a certain 2 people that I have become so close with recently, but I'm not mentioning names-one of you I've never known before this year, and yet you make me feel like such a part of you, like we've been friends forever. I've been thinking about the people that have influenced me the most this year, and you are at the top of this list. Gosh, you have brought me out of my shell a little bit! When I'm around you, I feel so included, and loved, and cared for, and it feels like a true friendship, not one where I'm giving giving giving and getting nothing in return. You don't judge me-in fact, all the qualitites I hate about myself, you have told me those are your favorite parts! Even when we are not together, I don't have to worry, because no matter what I know I have a true friend in all of this. And it's not like if we are in a group, you just sort-of include me, while still talking to the others, it's me you're focused on! I have never in my life had someone truly focus on me when we are talking, it's like I'm the one that you actually want to talk to, not the one you were stuck with. Do you even know how amazing that is to me? I've never felt like someone actually wanted to talk to me as much as you do, and I am so grateful for that, it gives me a burst of confidence and a feeling of acceptance that I've never had before.
The other one of you is just as influencing. I've known you for only two years, and you are just as accepting as the girl I mentioned above. You come up and share things with me without me even having to ask, and I know that might be normal for you, but that's never happened with me. I always am the one at the end of the table who doesn't know what the others are talking about, they make no effort to include me, and I just hear snippets of the conversation. You greet me in the mornings with a hug and a smile, and I can tell that you are genuine in all that you do. With you, it's not for show. It's real, and I can't even describe how much I appreciate that.
There are others that are great friends to me, some I've known for longer, but right now, you two are the ones that I am thinking about the most. The true, honest friendship that you have given me is something that I've needed for so long, and I am so glad you two came into my life when you did. With ya'll's simple acknowledgments of our friendship, I feel so much more accepted, and when I feel accepted, I am more confident. In everything you do, you both do it with genuine kindness, and your actions make me feel like part of your group. With you two, I've finally found friends that formed a friendship with me as an original member (does that make sense?) I'm no longer a tag-a-long, no longer an outsider, and no longer afraid that no one loves me, because I know that you both do! I can't even begin to express my gratitude towards both of ya'll, my heart is overflowing, and I seriously might start crying...:)
I love you both as much as I could ever love anyone,
Emily.

Just for looking,, the old days

I was looking through the pictures on my computer and I was amazed to see how many pictures and memories I had forgotten about! The above pictures are some that were only from last year or two years ago, and yet they are hidden way back in my head. I wanted to pull them out again, so whenever I look at this blog, I can no longer forget.

These Things Will Change.

People tend to surprise me. I am a mix of expectations, I will often think that I can trust someone to always act a certain way, and then they do something to change that, and suddenly I always think to expect inconsistency from them. I do not know why some people act the way that they do, and I even am confused about the way that I act sometimes. I feel that humans are programmed to break boundaries, shatter expectations, and completely throw off the balance of what their friends and family think of them. You can honestly think, even swear, that you know how someone will react, because of their reactions in the past, and then, all of the sudden, what you were expecting doesn't happen and you have absolutley no idea what to do about it. I have found that when people act a different way than normal, it's not always for the better, and it's not always for the worse. Though I have been blessed many times because of someone's change of heart, I have also been hurt far too many times to continue trying to predict how people will act. No matter how dependable, constant, and un-changing they have been in the past, at some point, everyone will make a change in their behavior that will break a friend's trust, shatter their family's respect, and completley turn the course of their life around. I realized today that the best way to protect myself from not being confused, angry, or hurt by a change someone has made, is simply to expect the unexpected from them. When I have no expectations, I can't be disappointed, and that's the truth.

Sisterly Friendship.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am obsessed with the Olsen twins. I think that Mary-Kate and Ashley are just so cool, and they are so supportive of the other. Being a twin, I always want my sister and I to have that same type of relationship. (And anyone who knows us knows that that is not always achieved..)

My hope for my sister and I is that once we grow out of this stage where we fight constantly with each other, that we will realize how lucky we are to have someone who has always been there and will always be there. I love her, now I just have to like her!

Words From the Wise.

I truly believe that there are some human beings that are simply...wise. They have so much to say and put their thoughts into such elegant-sounding sentences that I get excited just looking at the words. These are, or so I believe, deeply inspirational and lovely to my ears. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do. :)

"In the end, it's not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away."

-Edie Sedgwick

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"When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one that has opened for us."

-Alexander Graham Bell

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"For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone."

-Audrey Hepburn

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"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

-Marilyn Monroe

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"Fashion is not something that exists in dresses only. Fashion is in the sky, in the street, fashion has to do with ideas, the way we live, what is happening."

-Coco Chanel

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"The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing a p a r t."

-Elisabeth Foley

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"A friend knows the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails."

-Donna Roberts

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"You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip."

-Jonathan Carroll

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"Do I love you because you're beautiful, or are you beautiful because I love you?"

-Richard Rodgers

growing dreams.

i am nobody's idea of someone who would be interested in fashion. from a tiny texas town, haven't even graduated high school, and so no one believes that this could be what i want to do. but it is! oh, it is, i want to be in this business more than anything else. i can't take Vogue-worthy photographs, i can't afford designer duds and have no cute little thrift store to pick up vintage items from, and i am still figuring out how to make this blog look halfway decent, but i have such a strong dream inside of me, it's all i want and i will strain to reach it! everything in me yearns to be somewhere where i can be more inspired, where i can learn techniques and terms about design that i cannot even imagine living here. parsons is my d r e a m school, i would give anything to be accepted there! though i have extra challenges that a girl growing up in nyc with parents in the industry doesn't have, i know i have equal or more heart, and i believe that by trying, i can do anything, anything at all, including fashion.

ab-tastic!

I am not a twilight fan (at all), but i know one thing for sure-i will go back to see New Moon a hundred times if it means that i get to stare at those abs of Taylor Lautner's all night long!


My sister is a die-hard Edward fan, but i personally think that he is extremley unattractive and constantly looks like he got back from smoking pot. I went to the movie with a couple of my friends, and by the end of the movie we were all in agreement- T.L.'s body is the greatest thing we've ever seen.


If you still don't know what i'm talking about, just check the picture--

see what i mean? :)

3Girls ((remake))

This time, I'm not going to let my insecuritites and problems get in the way of the writing of this post. I've decided to take a new outlook on my friendships and other relationships-I'm going to fous on the good, because truthfully, there is so much more good than bad when it comes to the people I interact with, and I have no room to complain. :)

1. You are amazing! You confront me when we have a problem, instead of just letting it sit and sit and neither one of us knows exactly how the other is feeling. I am HONORED that you feel comfortable enough with me that you can come forward and tell me, "Hey, I was confused and hurt by this, and I want to work it out." That shows a mark of a true friend, and I am lucky to have you as my 2nd sister. I will never again doubt our friendship or try to push blame on you! Thanks again, sis! :)

2. You are so funny & sweet & easy to get along with! I can't wait to develop our friendship more and see where your crazy personality leads us. I love the fact that you haven't "grown up too fast", because so many of us know things that our parents would be shocked that we know! Some people call it "innocence", but I think you are just a great influence. :)

3. We might've been going through a bit of a rough patch for a while, but now that everything's all good, I can see what I was missing! You are, always have been, and always will be one of my closest friends, and I can't wait to go to camp with you this summer! You have taught me more than you could ever know, and I love you for that! :)


Love you all to Heaven and back!!

my dancing refugee.

So there is this girl who never lets me down, who always makes me laugh, and occasionally makes me want to slap her upside the face :)
...but then she makes me laugh again, so it's all good!

I've known her for NINE YEARS, can you believe that? I can't! We've gone through elementary, middle, and now, high school together, and I don't know what I'm going to do when we go off to seperate colleges! Each year our friendship gets stronger and stronger, and we still have plenty of time for it to grow even more. I can tell her anything, and she is my BFFAEAE (Best Friend Forever And Ever And Ever). We are sitting in this little room right now with some other strange, loner kids like us (haha, just kidding), and she asked me to write this blog about her, and it is my pleasure, i just love her that much :)

So, basically what I am saying is that I don't know what I would do without her, and I know everyone says that, but seriously. How are you supposed to go more than half of your life knowing someone, and then suddenly, they are not in your life anymore? I couldn't do it! Which means that we HAVE to stay in touch till the day we die. And then we will go to Heaven and can talk everyday for eternity. :)

Yepp, so that's it. I know she's reading this, so just to let you know, i adore you,
Elizabeth Ann Alamillo :)