freak out.

I had a panic attack in the middle of the night last night. Yes, a genuine, can't-breathe panic attack. And I don't know why. I feel stressed out over nothing, seriously. I haven't had homework in two weeks, I have some projects but I'm on top of things, I've got everything on a timeline, under control. My parents and I haven't been arguing, Lainey and I are doing better. Barely, but better. Volleyball has been slowly improving. (Again, barely, but still.) MY LIFE SEEMS TO BE GOING JUST FINE. But maybe that's it. Maybe "just fine" isn't good enough anymore. I want it to be "incredible". I want to be able to look back at my day as I'm falling asleep and think "Wow, this day really couldn't have gone any better." I'm not asking for a miracle to happen everyday, or to win something everyday, or to make a new friend everyday, just that my days be ones that I can look back on and smile at. Right now, my days are just, blah. No emotion. Just blah. Sure, they're not bad, but they're not good either. And I long for my time on this earth to be good. No, GREAT.
I think I'm thinking about this too much. For starters, I need to re-give my life over to the Lord. I realize that I have slowly been moving away from Him, and I need to get back into my faith before the connection snaps completley. I've been stuck on thinking how I'M going to fix my problem, and that's exactly why they're not getting fixed.
First step: just b r e a t h e .