crazy.

A friend drove me home today. As in, it was only her and i in her car. As in, we were DRIVING without a parent constantly reminding her to speed up, slow down, put on her blinker or come to a complete stop. I couldn't help feeling so unbelievably cool, and then I realized,
this is going to be me soon. By soon of course I mean in several months, but soon enough. I can't believe that the years have flown by the way they have. In my chemistry class, we had a substitute that was a retired middle school teacher and I could swear that I recognized him, and I realized that he was my homeroom teacher in 7th grade. That was three years ago! It seemed like last week!
Also, I can't believe that my VERY LAST VOLLEYBALL GAME is coming up. Next Tuesday will be the last time I step on the court as a part of the Champion volleyball team, or as a part of any team at all. Volleyball has been what I've been a part for years now, and I know that I will be a little lost without it for a while, but I am confident that I will find my path. Although I will dearly miss volleyball, I know that in order to prepare myself for what I plan on doing in college, I simply have to cut it out of my schedule. I think the thing I will miss the most will be spending time with the girls on my team who I have gotten to know better and really love!
What I'm getting at, is that it is crazy how fast everything moves. I find myself nervous and anxious for the future, but I can't wait to find out what this world has in store for me.

Kingdom Come.

"For you I’d wait 'til kingdom come

Until my day, my day is done

And say you'll come and set me free

Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me."

uninspired.

grumpy. tired. stressed. sick of you, you, and you.
and why, why, WHY can i not think of anything to write?

these are a few of my favorite things.

My favorite thing is when I wake up and realize that the sun has just started to come up, and I get to watch the sunrise.
My favorite thing is when I go downstairs and my mom has made me the best breakfast I could ask for, without me even asking.
My favorite thing is doing my hair and having it work out exactly how I wanted it, the first time I try.
My favorite thing is when my sister asks me for help picking out an outfit, and when she puts it on, seeing her finally smile.
My favorite thing is when I get to school and am greeted with a hug.
My favorite thing is when my photography teacher praises my work and wants to see more.
My favorite thing is getting back a test that I was nervous about and making a really good grade.
My favorite thing is sitting at lunch, looking around, and realizing that there is no one else I would rather sit with, because the girls around me are already my best friends.
My favorite thing is having only three periods per day, because volleyball doesn't count.
My favorite thing is doing something good in volleyball and getting a little bit of a confidence boost.
My favorite thing is having a study group with two close friends that ends up being "girl bonding time."
My favorite thing is coming home and not having any homework that needs to be done.
My favorite thing is going outside with a TeenVogue and sitting in the hammock.
My favorite thing is eating dinner as a family around the rarely-used kitchen table.
My favorite thing is laughing my head off at the new episode of The Office.
My favorite thing is taking a shower and automatically "washing off" the day, but then realizing that it was a great day and doesn't need "washing off."
My favorite thing is falling right asleep as I lay down, and not waking up all night.
My favorite thing is feeling so grateful for everything I've been blessed with, and hoping that I realize it more often.

for the first time.

Last night, for the first time since I've been home, I cried for Africa.
When I left, I didn't actually think I would miss it; I thought I would enjoy having everything here that I didn't have there, but I would give up all of this if I could go back to Uganda right now.

I'm starting to think that decorating my binder with pictures of Africa wasn't the greatest idea, because now I'm reminded of how much I wish I was there everytime I see it. :(

I miss Violet and Brian so much.

Sophomore.

Goals for my tenth-grade year:

1. Get my priorities in order. It's time for me to take a step back and take a long, hard look at what's really important in my life. I've spent way too long focusing on things that either hurt me, disappoint me, or leave me when they get used up. I know the things that are important, now I just need the will to stick with them.

2. Get it done, and get it done right. Whatever I do, whenever I do it. It may be an essay, it may be a volleyball practice. Regardless if it is something I like to do or not, I need to complete it to the best of my ability, every time.

3. Have a better attitude. Basically about everything. I have proven to myself that having a good attitude improves every situation countless times, and yet I still struggle with negativity.

4. Be bolder. My timidness has gotten me almost nowhere, and I'm sick of feeling like I'm never heard. I know it has alot to do with my confidence level, but I want to be known as someone other than "Lainey's sister." I don't want to be an afterthought any more!

5. Make a new friend. I stepped out of my comfort zone and got to know a new girl freshman year, and she is now my best friend!

6. Take personal responsibility. It's up to me and only me to make this year my best yet. I need to quit blaming others for my mistakes and accept that I can't have it all together all the time.

7. Stop trying to mold myself into a way that seems to be what others want. This is such a hard one, because I have struggled for so long with not feeling funny enough or talkative enough, and that makes me feel like I'm not liked enough. But even when I fake it, everyone can tell, and it doesn't make me feel any better. It's time to be myself, and I think I will really find out who my real friends are by doing this. There is one friend in particular that has given me the strength to commit to this, because she has told me more than once that my quiet, reserved, and slightly sarcastic personality is exactly what she loves so much about me. That was just the push I needed, to know that there are people out there who will appreciate me for who I am, not who I pretend to be.

8. Volleyball. I'm not 100 percent sure what my goal for this is, I just know that something needs to change.

9. Get a "body-image booster". Find a new look, a haircut, an outfit, or a makeup trick that bumps up my self-esteem and makes me feel better about myself, if only for a short time. I read this in a magazine, and it said that girls who experiment and find something that makes them like what they see in the mirror have a better day overall. It's definitley worth a try.

10. Live fully, faithfully, and fantastically. I want to do things that are out of my comfort zone and push myself to a level that I've never been to before, in the hopes of having an experience that is memorable beyond belief. I want to take my life from my own hands and place in the Lord's. There is no way that I am going to be able to make it through without His guidance, I've tried and failed too many times. I'm still going to mess up, and I'll probably have to renew my faith again and again and again this year, but each time brings me closer to where I long to be. The thing is, I want to be real with my faith. I want people to see that I'm not perfect and I'm not "changed", but I'm trying. I don't want to be that girl who says the Lord is at work in her life and then does everything to prove it untrue. If I'm struggling with my faith, I'm not going to pretend that I'm not, and that's one of my biggest annoyances. Sorry guys, but you can't "change" from a week of camp!


Will I live up to these goals? Who knows, ask me again at the start of junior year.

My African Experience.

As you might have known, I just got back today from a 15-day long mission trip to Uganda, in Africa. It was exhausting, saddening, joyous, and incredible all rolled up into one. Going over there, I was expecting to have an immediate connection with the people of Africa. I thought that helping them was going to be my calling, and that if I experienced it firsthand, I would truly know for sure.
That didn't happen. The first night, I was laying in a hot, stuffy room, on a sheet that was scratchy and with my head on a pillowcase that smelled nothing like home. My body smelled like bug spray and the mosquito net around me that kept swishing across my cheek reminded me of how many diseases I could get even by just laying there. It was dark, I felt filthy, and the square window that was cut out of the wall had nothing on it to keep the night out. I was terrified, and all of the sudden I started to cry. I seriously couldn't help myself; I asked myself, out loud, "Why are you here?" The only place I wanted to be at that moment was home, in my cozy, safe bed in my cozy, safe house where I felt cozy and safe. I wished so badly that I hadn't made the decision to come on the trip, and I just wept because of it. As I thought more about why the heck I had wanted to come to such a horrible, uncomfortable place in the first place, I got really honest with myself- I was in major denial. I had told myself and others that I wanted to go and make a difference in someone's life, to give them hope and a way to push into the future. And I did want that, deep down. But on top of all that, the primary reason I had wanted to go to Africa so badly was so that I could say I've been to Africa. I would have bragging rights, people would be jealous and amazed and wish they could say the same. I would have something that most of my friends didn't, and I could wave it in their faces. (Reading over this, that sounds so selfish! So much more than when I was thinking it in my head..) I knew that that reason would never work with my mom, so I pushed it out of the way and hid it, pretending that I wanted to go purely out of the goodness of my heart. Laying there in a strange bed in a strange country that first night, I realized that having "bragging rights" was not worth it. I just wanted to go home.
As the trip went on, I got more comfortable and started to really enjoy Africa. Of course, there were times on the trip where I was really homesick and longed to be able to enjoy the luxuries of what I had at home, but the good was outweighing the bad. I was developing relationships with the kids, I was familiar with the smells and sights and sounds of Iganga, the town we were in for most of the trip, and I was sleeping easier. But something was still missing- As each day passed, I wasn't getting that "Aha! This is what I'm supposed to do for the rest of my life!" moment. Many of the others on the trip seemed to have a real heart for what they were doing; it was truly their calling, and for some reason I needed it to be mine too, but it wasn't! Each day I kept getting more frustrated, and on the tenth day we were in Uganda, the Lord revealed to me where my true heart lies- In Russia. (Bear with me, I know this sounds a little weird!)
Truly, as I looked out the window of our bus, and saw the busy streets of Iganga, it was like the world I was looking at was transformed. I was no longer in Africa, but instead I was in Russia, on a snow-covered street, helping the orphaned children who were freezing to death in the snow. I literally knew in that moment that those were the people I was created to help. I told my mom about this, and she agreed that we should start planning a mission trip to Russia in a year or two, when I could go by myself. This was probably the biggest realization and encounter with God of my life, and it never would've happened if I didn't visit Africa!
Now, don't get me wrong, I loved being able to help those people, and bringing a smile to their faces was definitley worthwhile. I would for sure want to come back to Africa again, but I now know that it is not my calling to serve there. It was an awesome experience and I have loads of stories and memories to share from it, and I feel extremely blessed and grateful that I was able to go and hope to return in the future!

oh no no no.

I AM SO MAD.
This stupid Blogger template designer screwed up my whole blog! I HATE the way it looks, and it won't let me go back to how it used to be! WHAT THE HECK.
I absolutely positively want my old layout back, and I'm beyond angry.

keep on rollin'.

Lainey and I got our permits today. Milestones, milestones. I don't even feel old enough to drive; when I see others driving, I feel like they look so much older, and I, well, don't. I guess I never thought that the day would actually come where I was handed the keys and told, "Alright, take us home." I think I was unconciously living in some world where I didn't grow up, and so today came as a big shock to me. I can't even imagine myself driving, it seems like something I'd never get to do. Like something on the horizon, where I can see it, but never get close enough to reach out and grab it, untill suddenly today I'm fifteen and going in to take the driving test and walking out with a permit and sitting in the drivers' seat and putting the car in drive and checking the mirrors and....
Wow. This milestone is huge, and I can only imagine what others are to come. I think realizing that I'm old to enough to drive has given me a wake-up call- I'm growing up, and it's time to stop denying that I will be the stress-free, un-troubled little girl that I was in my childhood ever again.
To close, I'll just give you all a fair warning- Watch out for me on the road. ;)


(I'm not kidding I'm a terrible driver!)

"If I had a thousand lives, I'd live them all for Africa."
--Hudson Taylor

J o y.
Unexplainable, all-encompassing, came-out-of-nowhere joy fills me tonight as I imagine where I'll be in only sixteen days. I will be in Africa! Africa! I almost can't believe it! I think that for the first time, the fact of it all has hit me. And, also for the first time, my fears and worries and nerves and doubts are melting away, and all I am left with is an uncontrollable desire to go and serve and reach out to people and be changed in a way that I thought I'd never get to experience. I can't think about anything else these days, all of my thoughts have been going directly to the people of Uganda and how they and I both will be forever changed. My wishful thinking about Africa has even been clouding out my excitement about Pine Cove, which happens first, and that is not easy to do. I feel like there is no better time for me to go to Uganda than right after camp, which fills me with the spirit of the Lord and refreshes and renews my faith even stronger every year. I am so glad that I'll be able to go over to Africa with my heart in the right place.
If you're reading this blog and you've noticed that many of the recent posts have been about Africa, it's only because it is the biggest thing going on in my life right now, the biggest and craziest adventure I've ever been able to take. If I have this much emotion 2 weeks before the trip, I can only imagine what I'm going to be like when actually traveling!
To wrap up this post, I will ask you all to pray for me and my team not only while we're there (July 28-August 11) but also before we go, so that we will be able to go with a big group of people supporting us through their prayers. I have been wanting to go to Africa so badly for so long, and I never ever ever expected to actually be able to go, but that just shows you the power of patience and trusting in God to get the timing right! I will cherish this trip for the rest of my life, and I can't wait to see where else the Lord takes me!

"Christ alone can save the world, but Christ cannot save the world alone." --David Livingston
"I have but one candle of life to burn, and I would rather burn it out in a land filled with darkness than in a land flooded with light" --John Keith Falconer
"Some wish to live within the sound of a chapel bell; I wish to run a rescue mission within a yard of hell."--C.T. Studd
"Expect great things from God; attempt great things for God"--William Carey
"Lost people matter to God, and so they must matter to us."--Keith Wright
"Let my heart be broken with the things that break God's heart"--Bob Pierce

Don't You Just Hate That...

-based on the book by Scott Cohen-

Sitting down, getting comfortable and ready to watch TV and realizing that you left the remote in the kitchen.

Realizing that you're wrong after you've been arguing to prove that you're right.

People who always have food on their faces.

When someone eats the most disgusting thing you can think of right in front of you.

Singing loudly enough in the shower so that you can hear yourself and realizing after you get out that everyone else in the house could hear you too.

People who are always always ALWAYS several hours late.

Having to share your best friend with someone else.

Not liking the present you got from the person who normally gives THE BEST presents.

When you find yourself talking to someone who's not listening.

People who are hard of hearing and ask "What?" over and over again.

Being so excited for something and then it doesn't happen.

Awkward silences with people you shouldn't feel awkward with.

Biting into a piece of fruit that looks ripe but is rock hard.

A slow driver in front of you when you're already late.

Hitting a body part that already has a bruise on it.

When your feet fall asleep.

Raising your hand to ask a question and having the teacher begin to walk over, and then 3 more people between you and the teacher raise their hands, and she stops to help them first.

Laughing at something for waaaay too long, and people start to look at you like you're embarrassing yourself, which you are.

Really enjoying a song and then someone starts asking you questions in the middle of it.

When someone stands right in front of the TV while you're watching it.

When someone starts a sentence and then never finishes it.

Organizing something, walking away, and then coming back to find it completly messed up.

When the maid moves your stuff from the place you like it to the place she thinks is best.

Elderly people who shove past you or walk so slow and don't let you pass them.

Peopleee whoo tyyppeee likeee thisssssss, all the time.

Thinking that you smell what you're craving for dinner, then coming downstairs to find that it's not at all what you wanted.

People who don't see how lucky they are.

Men who boss their wives around in public.

When someone hurts your feelings, and then tries to cover it up by saying "Just kidding".

Knowing what you want to say, sitting down with the person you want to say it to, and then not being able to say it.

the countdown begins.

TEN DAYS till Pine Cove.
TWENTY DAYS till Africa.

ohmygosh.
I still can't believe it's snuck up on me so fast, it seems like yesterday I was sitting in Mrs. Burton's English class, daydreaming about summer.

I AM GOING TO GET TO GO TO A DIFFERENT CONTINENT FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!
As the date gets closer, my nerves are being covered up by pure excitement. I am SO looking forward to this trip!!

But....I still have Pine Cove before Africa, and I'm excited for that too. I just hope that my anticipation and excitement about Africa doesn't consume my every thought while I'm at PC, because I want to be able to be in the moment and get the most out of this year at camp.
But I'm just so excited. :)

how i hate being sick.

Sore throat. Achy everywhere. Chills and a fever. Constant headache. No appetite. Too tired to do anything but lay on the couch or sit at the computer.

Count yourselves lucky.

errgh.

Looking through pictures on my computer & on Facebook today, I found so many photographs that I had forgotten existed! Along with bringing back memories, laughs, and "oh-my-gosh's", these photos also conjured up the all too familiar feeling of "wanting, but not being able to." What I WANT to do is gather up all these pictues and display them in various places around my house, so everywhere I look I get a smile. What I am NOT ABLE to do is exactly that.
Doesn't it suck when you have all these wonderful, wonderful pictures and you can't do anything with them?!
Errgh. I simply HAVE to figure something out!!

7 Things I Wish I Was

1. FEARLESS. I miss out on so many opportunities because I am afraid of what might happen. I am never the first one to put myself out there, and I rarely willingly do something that challenges me and pushes me to the limit. I want to be able to let go, to risk everything on the hope that I will gain everything and more back in return.

2. TALL. So many things are just so much easier for tall people. I don't mean average, 5'9 or 5'10. No, I want to be tall, model tall. I'm talking 6'1, 6'2-ish. Don't ask me why, I just have always wanted to be taller.

3. OUTGOING. I am so shy, and I absolutley hate it!!! I know it's a mind thing, if I would just stop worrying so much about what others could possibly think of me then I would be able to approach anybody. I know it holds me back, and I could meet so many new people if I would just let my shy-prone attitude go.

4. CONFIDENT. I have very low self-confidence, and it has proved to be a big barrier in my life. When I look in the mirror, it's a constant struggle between what I truly see and what my abusive mind tells me I see.

5. PATIENT. I have patience, but not enough of it. I want to be able to slow down my mind and let myself just wait and sieze the moment that I'm in, not worrying or awaiting anything in the future.

6. SELFLESS. I have several people in my life who completley sacrifice anything for themselves in order to bring a smile to someone else's face, and I look up to them immensly. I want to experience the rush of giving instead of getting, and I don't want to ever want for myself.

7. FILTHY RICH. I'm not greedy, but let's face it, money can do alot in this world. I have some big dreams, and I could help alot of people with that kind of money! ;)

you know better.

My heart is aching right now for the loss of a dear friend.
I don't understand why you're doing this to yourself, it's absolutley, positively STUPID, and not cool in the least. Don't you see that you're ruining your life? Your parents raised you better than this, I know because I saw everytime I would go over to your house as a little girl. You are a BEAUTIFUL, PRECIOUS, TALENTED, & WONDERFUL work of God that deserves better for herself. YOU deserve to grow older and share your talents and beauty and warmth with the world, but that's never going to happen unless you step off the road you're currently on. There is no judging going on here, just one friend deeply caring about another one, and wanting her to save herself before her life takes a terrible tun, which is exactly where it's headed. I am sick about this! Look to healthy, productive ways to relax, change, or make yourself feel better. Pray, seek counseling, or journal, anything but what you're doing, because you know that doesn't help in the long run. Please, please, PLEASE don't forget what we've learned all our lives, because I don't think I could bear seeing you any worse.

"If you've got friends like mine, raise your glass. If you don't, raise your standards."

[Title borrowed from the one & only Lindsey Robinson. :)]

Salute to Friends:
"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."
- Anais Nin

You've all been there. You've seen me cry, seen me shake with anger, and seen me smiling at my happiest. The difference between you and everyone else is that you stay with me after the tears, you calm me during the fury, and you come back even when the happiness is over. You all are my sisters. You are all lovely, fantastic, inspiring women of God and I admire each and every one of you. I am undeniably, indescribably, unworthily blessed to have each and every one of you in my life.

D- I have never met someone who makes me feel as at ease and comfortable with myself as you do. You make me laugh like no other, and I often forget that I just met you; it feels like I've grown up with you my whole life.
S- You are still the person I consider to be my original second sister. We've known each other for so long that nothing has to be faked, forced, or pretended. You're real with me and everything just works in our friendship. I've been so lucky to have you all these years.
L- I learn so much and grow so much as a person when I'm around you. You have an outgoing, contagious personality that makes me smile. I will cherish our talks, our laughs, and our hilarious pictures forever.
E- Everytime I'm with you, we make a fabulous memory. Our nicknames, pictures, wall posts and poke wars make my day everytime I think about them. You're so creative and I love doing interesting, different things with you!
T- I really should just ask you to live at my house, you're there so much! I guess that's why we gave you your own room...You are so silly sometimes, and I love that about you. I always know that I can call or text you whenever I need to talk, and you're caring personality always makes me feel better.
C- You're so amazingly sweet and I have to say, I love your laugh. Our videos make me laugh so hard I can barely breathe, and I hope we get to make more in the future, because I've been really missing you. :(
H- I adore talking with you about things that are important to us at the time, because I feel like we both are sort of at the same place in life right now. You understand me really well, and I know you're really listening when I talk to you. I also love taking pictures with you, your camera is amazing!

These just happen to be the friends that I thought about today, I love all of you other girls who make my life sweeter as well. :)

it's the stress of it all.

It's summer. The time of the year that is supposed to be carefree, relaxing, and just plain f u n .
So why am I so stressed out?

It could be my summer schedule:
-Summer League
-VBS
-New Orleans
-Pine Cove
-Africa
-Las Vegas
-Beach
-Pre-season (?)

I have NO DOWN TIME. It's crazy, this is the busiest summer I've ever had. But I don't mind being super busy; I actually kind of like it. So what's the cause of all this stress?
Could it be the fact that I still have school responsibilities over the summer? I do have to read and annotate two impossibly boring books before I go back to school in the fall, and I cannot bring myself to start either of them. I think that summer reading could quite possibly be the most aggravating thing I have ever encountered. I just have one question for the teachers: WHY???!

It might be the work, it miiiight be the schedule, but neither of those seem exactly right.The thing is, try as I might, I can't put my finger on exactly what's stressing me out, which causes me to stress more. It's one of those terrible cycles.

I hope I can figure out what's bothering me before the summer's gone. I'll cross my fingers.

hard to handle.

Today, I made plans for tomorrow with some of my best friends in the world, so I was happy and excited...
and then I logged on Facebook.
And saw the pictures.
And once again, that feeling of excitement was drained and replaced by feeling a little,
just a little,
okay, A LOT,
left out.

and i had the best day with you, today.

So my best friend Delany invites me to go rock-climbing at Enchanted Rock with her, her brother, her sister, and their friends. I figured, "Oh, I've climbed Enchanted Rock before. It'll be nice. Relaxing, even."
What she failed to tell me was that we would also be conquering the caves that run along the northeast side of the mountain. These caves, my friends, are NOT normal caves. The people in my group that had climbed them before warned me that if I was closterphobic, I should really re-think attempting the climb. Up until today, I didn't think I was closterphobic in the least. Boy, was I wrong...
So we get inside the teeny-tiny cave opening. It's pitch black, cold, damp, and there's unknown bugs and other creatures EVERYWHERE. As soon as I got all the way in, I wanted to turn around and go back, but I couldn't, because once you get in, the only way out is to climb the entire thing and come through the other side. I started panicking and all I could think about was how scary the rest of the climb was going to be. The cave was so narrow, low-ceilinged, sloped, and slippery that every step was treacherous. Since there was no light, we had to feel our way through the cave with our feet, and if you couldn't find a foothold, you'd better hope that there was someone strong behind you to help you out. There was one section where the only thing there was to crawl on was a piece of rock that was so sloped it was almost straight up in the air, and it was wet and completley flat with no ledges, which made it almost impossible to get across. While crossing this, my foot slipped and I was sliding a pit that was deeper than I am tall, and a guy in our group grabbed my wrist and pull me back up. I scraped almost every piece of skin on the front of my body, but I'd never been so grateful to anyone in my life!
Most of the cave was just one tunnel, but about 3/4 of the way down it split into two separate sections. If you continued going straight, it would be the same type of climbing we had been doing the whole time. If you turned left, you would enter what was called "The Coffin Crawl" or "The Death Crawl". You basically had to lie flat on your back and slide your way, in the dark, through a very narrow tunnel of two rocks. Being with daredevil Delany, we chose to do the coffin passage, of course. There was one section of it that was so tight, my nose scraped against the ceiling, and my entire back was scratched, matching my front from earlier. I felt like I was about to pass out, throw up, scream, cry, and die all at the same time, and it was the most terrifying thing I have ever done in my entire life. Once, I put my hand on the wall to grip something, and it happened to be placed exactly on top of a Daddylonglegs nest. The disgusting spiders danced all up my arm and I literally had to choke myself to keep from screaming. When we finally got out, I had never before been so happy to see sunlight. It was by far the most challenging, difficult, and dangerous thing I'd ever done, but I'm so glad I did it. I feel so unbelievably proud of myself, prouder than I've ever felt before, and now I am able to say that I braved the caves and conquered them. I am so glad I went with Delany, because today was a life-changing moment!

.

I love you, don't you see

You stole my heart in 1-2-3

I love you, yes it's true

You stole my heart

And I'm gonna steal yours too.

(((Little and Ashley)))

gratitude.

Our freshman year is coming to a close. I almost cannot believe it.


Thank you Mrs. Burton & Mrs. Boyers, for proving to me that a teacher can actually talk to her students like they are her friends. My English and Math classes this year were so much more enjoyable because of you two. Ya'll have set the bar very high for next year's teachers!

Thank you Morgan, Elizabeth, Gabbie, Courtney, Claire, Ethan, and Ian, for making Mrs. Ray's art class actually tolerable. That last day was so fun, and so many memories will come out of that class.

Thank you Samantha, Delany, and Courtney, for separating Lainey and I when we got in an argument in Biology. Sorry we were so grumpy alot of the time. :\

Thank you Lindsey, Delany, and Kaitlyn, for being "outsiders" with me at the beginning of the year. :)

Thank you Caty-lin and Cienna, for cracking me up in English. You two are so funny together!

Thank you all and others for making my ninth grade year one of the best. I love you!

truly, madly, deeply.

I have recently realized three things about my freshman year:
1. That it has been one of the most fun years of my life. I literally have laughed more, danced more, smiled more, hugged more, and loved more than I have in a long time. After the prison that was middle school, high school is like dying and going to Heaven.
2. That I have finally surrounded myself with a group of friends that mean more to me than I even realized I wanted them to. I literally could not have asked for a better bunch of girls to be brought into my life. I think I have finally found my "place" in the group- I'm not bouncing around trying to fit in everywhere. Every memory we make is a genuine one. I generally think that I am a happier person because of the memories of this year.
3. That pictures are pretty much the greatest things ever invented. Well, I knew that already, but these past few months have confirmed it. :)

"As I Live and Breathe" by Sara Richardson

"I want to live
And be remembered by how I have lived.

I want to breathe
And never forget who has given me breath.

I want to sing
And refuse to be silenced.

I want to laugh
And truly feel it in my soul.

I want to cry
And always have someone to comfort me.

I want to love
And know that love is beaming right back.

I want to talk
And not be judged for the words of my mouth.

I want to dance
And never know what it feels like to have to stop."

-Sara Richardson<3

i'll be up up and away, up up and away.

New Obsession:
KID CUDI.

Pursuit of Happiness & Up Up & Away are freaking genius. His songs are like feel-good rap, which sounds really weird, but you just have to know what I'm talking about. :)

Anyways, I.Love.Him.!