life ain't always beautiful.

These past couple of months, I've had to make some hard decisions.

Do I quit volleyball?

Do I continue to put on a happy face around a certain someone and pretend like their habits don't annoy me beyond belief?

Do I let people take advantage of me because I can always be counted on to do my homework?

Do I give in to the things i have been working so hard on to avoid?

Do I let myself fall back into the destructive grip of jealousy?

Do I attempt to salvage the scrap of faith in God I have left?

My answers have been simple, but not easily attainable.

Yes, I am quitting volleyball. It is not something that is right for me at this time in my life and although it is sad, I hope my teammates respect that and realize that I'm not changing my mind.

No, I will not pretend or be fake. I'm going to start distancing myself from this person, because it can only get nasty.

No, I refuse to be walked all over. My classmates need to grow up and take responsibility for their own actions. I work way too hard to let others get the credit.

No, I will stay strong and look at the big picture. This fleeting happiness here doesn't last, but looking back and seeing how long I've gone without giving in to temptation will be so incredibly rewarding.

No, I will constantly remind myself that "Comparison is the thief of joy." I've finally gotten to a place where I am okay with who I am, and I'm not going to throw that all away.

Yes, I need to make a conscious effort to repair my relationship with the Lord. In fact, I feel like I need to start all over. I'm going back to the basics: Lord, I recognize that I need You, and that whatever I'm doing on my own is not working.